Can I Elf You?

(Don’t forget to visit Shannon and her Week-end Wordles over at Last Shreds of Sanity!)

Once upon a time this morning, I wandered into the family room in my usual morning stupor. I threw back the curtains to find I had a visitor outside in the form of an elf.

Well, hello there, hottie! He was leaning against the tree holding a scroll. I went to open the door to invite him in.

“What are you doing here?” I purred in my sexy morning voice. (What? Don’t you have one of those?)

He winked at me (swoon) and nodded toward the St. Patty’s Day tree. “What do you think I’m doing here?”

I blushed. “Um…yeah…Is there a problem with the tree, Legolas?” I was feeling all tingly now. He came really close to me. Really close. “For you, my lady.” He handed me the scroll. “I come bearing glad tidings.” He brushed by me and bowed.

Be still my fluttery heart! I looked at the scroll closely. Oh jinkies…I had gotten one of these in mid January. I knew exactly who it was from.

I sighed, unrolled it and began to read.

Dearest Dawn,

While your white Christmas tree looks lovely covered in shamrocks, leprechauns, pots of gold, and the flags of Ireland, don’t you feel that this charade has gone on long enough? (Props to you for taking down the other 4 trees that you had up. At least you had enough sense to take those down in January.)

And even though Catherine was delighted to have it covered with hearts for Valentine’s Day, shouldn’t you just come to terms that you are just too stinkin’ lazy to take down the tree?

I know you’re planning on doing a shabby spring Easter theme on that tree in a few days. I KNOW. It’s time to take down the tree, dear. Put it in that nice tree bag you picked up at Target at 90% off. (Yes, the magic snowglobe shows us everything…)

Now, get along with the tree removal. It won’t be long until July when all the stores will be filled with Christmas décor and you can start all over again!

Cheers!
Mrs. Claus

p.s. Hope you enjoyed the special delivery elf! If you ask him to, he can just snap his fingers and become a naughty pirate for you too!

Mrs. Claus sure knows how to get a girl’s attention.

Well, that’s just fantastic. Another spanking by scroll from the holiday hostess with the most-est.

Doesn’t she understand I am busy blogging? Doesn’t she know that I am horribly behind in my comment lovin’? Can’t she see that I am exhausted this week and can’t come up with a blog post that makes sense? DOESN’T SHE CARE? Mrs. Claus!

I glance at Legolas. He is staring at me with intensity. I feel flush. I plop down on the sofa. Heck, I was just trying to get my money’s worth out of that tree.

“Can’t you conjure up some more of your elf friends to come and help me, Legolas?” I plead batting my lashes at him.

“Alas, I cannot. I can become a pirate for you though, and be your eye candy while you take down the tree.”

Bow-chicka-bow-wow…buh-bye White Christmas St. Patty’s Day Tree…Hello, Eye Candy!

Have a fabulous weekend! I’ve got some eye candy to ogle, me hearties!

p.s. Don’t get your panties in a wad, Chilly. I know how you are about certain female actresses!