A Wee Drop of Irish (or Cloudy With a Chance of B*tchy Part 2)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

How about a wee stroll down memory lane?  Thank you to everyone who messaged me about sharing this blast from the past again this year:)  (yes, Maureen…I do read your emails too!)  Even though it was originally posted in 2009, not too much has changed (says Dawn in her “I can’t believe I have PMS every single year at this same time”  happy (think Pharrell singing “Happy”) voice.  So grab a cup of Irish coffee, Jameson whiskey, Guinness or whatever suits your fancy on this fine St. Patrick’s Day and let me share a tale of whimsy with you.  (and may the luck of the Irish be with you if you come my way today!  Don’t say I didn’t warn you!)   

Oops! What’s she doing here again? Wasn’t she just here a month ago? UGH! The nerve! We had so much “fun” last time she was here, didn’t we? 

Well, since I have a full day of Irish activities planned, I guess I better be gettin’ my Irish on….hmm…let’s see…maybe I’ll go drink some breakfast.

(That’s right, Mr. Bailey’s Irish Cream Cup…It is delicious!)  And while we’re at it, a traditional Irish breakfast sounds just lovely!  (what?? Chocolate cupcakes with green frosting isn’t Irish enough for you???  Did you see the duck at the top of this post???)

Ok! Time to get dressed for the day! (she says, wiping crumbs and frosting from her mouth)  What? Not appropriate attire for a mom?

Don’t get your shamrocks in a wad…I’ll probably really wear my yoga pants with this top….(Kim, I know you want one of these…)

Now that we’re dressed, we can freshen up a bit with our mouth spray just for this occasion!  

Ok family & friends..I know what you’re thinking right now…(for good reason!)

I guess ya’ll are lucky it’s Irish day and I may have a few quiet moments (unless that mouth spray really kicks in good…)

Time to get the kids and head out for some Irish fun activities that I don’t feel like doing because all I want to do is eat chocolate and watch rom-com chick flicks   (….not my fault…again, please refer to duck at the top of the post..)

(Is it hot in here?…cause I’m thinking it’s really hot in here…can someone turn on the *$%#! air conditioner?!)

(especially this one…)

Oh…sorry…hormones got carried away there for a second.  Oopsy!! …what I really mean is this…

A gorgeous British fellow stole my heart, you know…sorry Bono, gotta say good-bye this St. Patty’s Day…my heart belongs to my British guy:)  (insert bluebirds of happiness, romantic music and fluttering hearts here please)

Time to pack a lunch since we’ll be travelin’ to Irish dance performances and there’s no time to drink eat before we leave!

(Don’t worry….Nana’s driving…)

Oh! Can’t forget my gum! You know me…I stress chew when that stupid duck up there comes to visit…

Well, that’s about it! We are off for the last of our Irish dance performances! March Madness is coming to an end!  Let’s do a jig to celebrate!

Here’s a little St. Patty’s day sentiment from me to you…

And from the bottom of my wee drop of Irish heart, I really mean that!  According to my dear Irish friend Pam, a “wee drop is all ya’ need!” Here’s to you, Pam! Happy St. Pats!

Have a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day!

p.s. No, family members, I have not taken up drinking as a new hobby. (Family members know I don’t drink…well, not very often anyway…hee hee hee..) Just having a little fun on St. Patty’s Day…cause that dumb duck is about to ruin my next week….which may actually force me into taking up drinking…who the heck knows? Quite frankly, I’m surprised I haven’t become a super lush after the week I’ve had! Love you all!

Old Moms Open a Can of Whoop A** at the Park

Hi…I know you may be a bit frightened by the title of this post.  Not to worry!  While I can put my “bad-a$$” panties on for certain occasions, most of the time I’m a pretty docile creature:)  However, there is a skeleton in my closet that a friend of mine reminded me about recently and insisted that I share it with the world…more specifically, the old moms of the world.   Now when I say old, I mean old like me…(I was turning 43 at the time)…not elderly…although since hitting my 40’s, I feel elderly when I get up in the morning, but that’s another post!  It happened a few years back when I ran into a close friend who had recently turned 39.  Looking back, it is actually pretty funny!  So let’s get cozy and ready for my ramble…or maybe I should say rumble (wink!)

My friend and I took our kids out to a local park one fine fall day. We were dressed in typical “old” mom attire…jeans, cute t-shirts, banana clips and shades. (Yes, I wear my Marcia Brady stick straight hair in a banana clip on outings to the park. I don’t enjoy eating my hair every time I open my mouth to speak when the wind blows, so banana clip it is.)

There was a “young” mom (mid 20’s) with her kids that found her way over to us. She sat down and began to chat. There was another group of moms across the way at some picnic tables setting up for a party. My friend and I knew the other group of moms and had said our hellos upon arriving at the park. Young Mom was not familiar with them. Young Mom pipes up in her squeaky Valley Girl voice, “Don’cha just hate to see old moms with really young kids? I mean, like, do they think kids are the new fountain of youth or something? Look at those ladies over there! I mean, all the kids here are under 5! Unless maybe it’s Grandparent’s Day!” She laughs hysterically.  Now, I happen to know that every one of those mothers over there is at least 10 years younger than me. Yes, Young Mom was fooled by my fabulous genes. I win the age game at every carnival or amusement park we go to. My husband loved to outwit the carnies whenever possible. The funny thing is that Smitty was 3 years younger than me (go ahead…call me a cougar or a cradle robber, take your pick), but once a waitress asked him if he had his Senior Citizen discount card! LOL!

Young Mom continues her old mom bashing. “Why would any kid want an old wrinkled hag for a mom? Old moms are so annoying with their know-it-all attitudes and their really bad fashion.” (Wow…obviously, she can’t hear my brain exploding or at least smell the smoke from the fire of my brain exploding over here..bad fashion?? Seriously?  I worked really hard to pull out just the right t-shirt to hide all food stains that I might incur while I was gracing the public with my presence.  Bad fashion…humpf!)

I am not a happy camper. I am silently observing Young Mom trying to determine my next move. Do I want to let her in on my little secret or do I just want to see how far she’ll go before I go ninja on her perfectly coiffed little head in the parking lot. (oops…did I type that out loud?) (and yeah, she was NOT wearing a banana clip…now who’s got bad fashion?  Yep, Young Mom, that’s who…)

My friend, who knows what lengths I will go to in order to protect the innocent, is watching me carefully. She pipes up, “How about we get the kids and hit the walk trail?” She raises her eyebrows at me. I nod and gather up the wee girl and the stroller.  Young Mom says, “That sounds good! That’s a good energy boost! At least we don’t have to figure out how to push a stroller while shuffling along with our walker too! Snorty snort snort!”

Now. It’s. On. I can no longer hide the fact that I’m wearing my bad-a$$ panties today.  “Why do you have such a negative attitude about older mothers?” I ask gritting my teeth into a very fake smile. She smirks, “They’re just irritating. They always have their stupid first aid kits in a baggy, juice boxes strapped to their hips. I just think they over do it.” Steam is pouring out of my ears. The juice boxes on my hips are beginning to vibrate. She’s about to find out how lucky she is that I happen to have my first aid kit in a baggy handy because I’ll be using it to mop up her blood about 30 seconds after I sock her in the mouth!

My adorable and very peace loving friend goes to gather up the young’uns. She’s been at this rodeo before and knows the bull is on the loose. Young Mom laughs and points at one of my “old” mom friends as she is struggling with some of the party decor. “See what I mean?”  She continues to laugh and point.  I whirl around to unleash my fury when Young Mom in her fit of laughter trips, falls and busts her lip on the sidewalk. She starts bawling like a big old baby. She touches her lip and finds it’s very bloody. “My foof is foose!” she cries. “Oh frap! My foof is fawing out!” What a pitiful creature she is, that Young Mom. “Here, let me help you.” I reach down and yank her to her feet. “Ouf!” she huffs. “Fat huwt!” Her lips are the size of Cincinnati. I really want to crack a collagen joke at this point, but bite my own lips instead.

I reach into my bag and whip out some handi wipes. (ok..I know these are going to burn her lips like fire, but it’s all I have and Karma is a b*tch!) I help her dab the loose pebbles and blood away from her mouth. My friend jogs over with an unopened bottle of water to help wash away the rest. We get her patched up and feeling better. She realizes something is weird. I notice her checking out my First Aid in a Baggy. She humbly thanks us and goes to gather her kiddos. My friend asks me if I shared my secret with her. I shook my head. “I didn’t have a chance because she did a face plant before I could say anything.” We laughed. “Those crazy young moms!” my friend giggles. We notice that Young Mom is heading back from the parking lot toward us. Oh yuck…

“Just wanted to say thanks for helping me. That was so embarrassing!” She flutters her hands all around. We just smile at her and move on. One of my other friends from the party yells over to me, “Happy Birthday, Dawn!” I smile and wave. Young Mom says, “Oh, it’s your birthday?” I nod. “It’s actually next week.” We continue shuffling the kids toward the car. “That’s so cool! How old are you going to be?” she says with her big busted lip smile. I stop and turn toward her. “I will be 43.” The look on her face was all the justice I needed. She just turned and walked away with her head down. “That’s right! I’m an OLD MOM!!!!” I yelled after her. “Bet you’re glad this old mom had her first aid in a baggy, aren’t ya!” (Juvenile, I completely agree, not even remotely one of my best parenting moments, but darn it, it sure did feel good!) My friend (who is normally very shy and not verbally aggressive on any level) yells out, “Yeah, old moms kick butt! Don’t you ever forget it!” We high-fived and laughed like hyenas all the way to our mini-vans.  Last we heard, Young Mom was still struggling to get her stroller into her BMW.

A final note…I have lots of friends that are young moms! Lots of them! They are all fantastic mothers and friends! Please know that I am not bashing young moms with this post. Just sharing a story about a young mom bashing old moms! I love all my young mom friends!!!!

Thanks for listening to my ramble and remember, Old Moms need love too!

It’s Crack-a-lackin’ Monday!

Hey, did you know that there is a segment of the population that believes people have yard sales because they are generous souls who want to give away their things and not actually collect the cash for them? Silly of me, really, to ask for a monetary exchange…you know…here’s the thingy-ma-bob in exchange for the price listed on the thingy-ma-bob. Whatever was I thinking?

I expected to haggle…I knew there would be a language barrier with some of my customers…I knew going in that I would end up cranky and sunburned. But seriously, people, the word sale doesn’t mean free! Overall, it was a success and there were actually no thefts to report this time. Hooray!

My favorite customer from the entire weekend was an 85 yr old lady dressed in her Sunday’s best (floral shirt, cardigan and slacks). She purchased my Dad’s old beat-up cowboy boots, put them on and announced she was wearing them for the rest of the day with her Sunday’s best attire. She is a rock star! I want to be like her when I am 85!

We had lots of wackiness over our weekend…Allow me to share….

Chilly and I completely embarrassed Tween Caveboy and Miss Kitty in a very busy parking lot by pulling a Mary Katherine Gallagher “Superstar!” move together. We love to cause our children public humiliation whenever possible. It’s our duty as parents.

SUPERSTAR!

My mom returned from her doctor’s visit on Friday with some interesting show and tell items. She had some funky skull and crossbones band-aids covering her fibromyalgia injection sites (aka her…ahem…”hips”.) My personal favorites were the bright yellow “Crime Scene: Do Not Enter” band-aids. My mother’s doctor has a very warped sense of humor….I like that!

I drove my family completely insane on Sunday singing the “Moto Moto” song from the Madagascar 2 movie. It was crack-a-lackin’ crazy! I said the word “crack-a-lackin” every 30 seconds on Sunday. I’ll probably continue the madness today. (Here’s the song so you can drive your family crazy too…check it out…it’s only one minute long, but will bring years of trauma to your family…totally worth it….)

“I like ’em big….I like ’em chunky….I like ’em big…I like ’em plumpy…I like ’em round…with something-something…”

In honor of Tuesday’s Tribute tomorrow, I will be sharing the HUGE list of items for my MONSTER giveaway with you. My tribute is to all of you for your amazing kindness and very generous support of my blog!

Parade of Fools

I love a good parade! As a child growing up in the Midwest, I went to lots of them. I actually marched in a few, and rode with Ronald McDonald on a float once! My favorite parades were during the Pumpkin Show in my hometown of Circleville, OH.

I spent yesterday walking with Catherine in the St. Patrick’s Day parade in Tucson. It was lots of fun, but I had some seriously aching muscles last night!

Now, this is the first parade my kids have ever seen “in real life.” We watch the Macy’s Turkey Day Parade every year. There aren’t many parade opportunities in AZ so I can’t wait to hear what my kids will think about their first parade! Oh, and yeah, Tween Caveboy…someone from the Tucson Irish Community got a shot of you at the parade! lol!!

Later, we’re hanging around talking about the parade and Connor says, “those Dancing Queens were hideous.” I’m thinking how cute he is for calling the festival queens “Dancing Queens.” Apparently, I have been overplaying my ABBA cd lately. Trying to be the “nice police,” I tell him beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to stop being such a critic. He says, “Mom, they looked like dudes.” Chilly shakes his head yes…that indeed, they did…because that’s what they were…dudes….in drag….”dancing queens”….I laughed and thought that was weird, but hey, they were called the “Mash Potato Queens” and I figured with the whole potato thing, that was somewhat Irish.

Connor goes on to say, “wasn’t that weird when those kids ran out in the street to hug the Stormtroopers and Darth Vader?” HUH? What the heck kind of Irish parade were Cat and I marching in? Did we somehow end up on the Deathstar? And I had no idea Darth Vader was Irish!

Then Connor and Chilly start talking about the low-rider trucks cruising the parade route. (well, we are in Tucson…but I haven’t seen too many Irish families bouncing up and down the city streets in those…)

(no, he doesn’t not have a flat..he is making his truck “walk”…)

Oh..and Santa showed up too…

I am flustered! What about the real festival queens? Where were the marching bands? Where were the silly clowns spraying water on the crowd? Where were the city council members riding in the back of convertibles waving at the crowds? Where were all the Moms pushing their sweet darlings in decorated wagons and strollers? And only a handful of beautiful floats in the whole 90 minute parade!? (which by the way, makes for a very long parade…yawn…) What is going on?! This wasn’t how I pictured my kids watching their first parade! (Insert heavy sighing here…)

Overall, it was a fantastic day filled lots of Irish fun! I am just waxing nostalgic for the parades of my youth. I wish I could hop on a plane and head back “home” (Ohio) for the upcoming spring and summer festivals and parades. (Insert more heavy sighing…)

What are your favorite parade memories? Do you have a favorite parade that you watch each year?

Have a Happy Monday!

p.s. (more give away hints coming soon!!)

p.s.s. Still not ignoring you all with my comment love…after tomorrow, we will be all done performing for a while and I can get back to my regular stalking activities!

Weird Kids, Wordles and Gifts for You! Woo Hoo!

Wordles

Welcome to the Weekend! We are rockin’ our Wordle in honor of Shan’s Week-end Wordles! This is Shannon’s Wordle Launch Weekend so go and give her some linky love! She’s also known as Baby Roca’s Mama at My Last Shreds of Sanity! The kids and I had a bunch of fun making wordles this week! She’s ready to show you how to rock your wordle so get on over there when you’re all finished up here!

Weird Kids

I’m speaking of my weird kids, of course. Last night as we were tucking in for bed, I said to Miss Cat, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!” An evil grin appears on her cherubic face and she says, “I’ll kill the bed bugs, put them in soup and use them in my chicken stir fry!” HUH? What the heck kind of crazy games does she play when I’m not around???? I’m kind of freaked out by this little angel!

This is the same weird kid that publicly humiliated our family at Olive Garden a few months ago during our delightful lunch outing. (She was five…) It went something like this…

Me: “Hey kids, I have a surprise for Daddy when we get home!”
(meaning: House is clean, laundry is done…weekend is free for family fun…trust me, that is a huge surprise…)

Cat: ” What’s the surprise, Mama? True Love’s Kiss? (long pause….) Sex?”

Me: Choking and spitting out my peach tea…”WHAT???!!!!”

Whoa nellie! Hello! Where the heck did she learn that word????? Did I mention that the waitress is standing at the table trying not to bust a gut? Tween Caveboy covers his face with a napkin and buries his head in the sand. Chilly, of course, finds this hilarious and wants to know more. NERDANDERTHAL! Doesn’t he know you can’t stop this runaway train once you climb on board?

Of course, she used her outdoor voice when asking me this question. Finally, after recovering from my shock and horror, I ask her what she thinks that means. “It means to hug someone, Mama!” she smiles while sipping down her Sprite. “Where did you hear that word?” I lean over to whisper. “Giselle said it in ‘Enchanted’, Mama.” again…with the outdoor voice! (And boo to you, Disney! Well, kind of boo…I really do love that movie…)

It’s really no big deal to her, you see…or is it? Do I see a hint of an evil grin appearing on that little mouth of hers? I’m pretty sure I did.

Tween Caveboy has his weird moments too. I am not at liberty to share them. He charges me too much money for his stories. I simply can’t afford him.

Gifts

My 100th post is coming soon! In order to celebrate, I’m hosting a fabulous giveaway! More details to come soon, but I’ll give you a hint…it’s gonna be big! Stay tuned!

Awards

I have been blessed by three very lovely bloggy buddies with awards!

First, A Psych Mommy was so very kind to share the Luv Award with me! Please clickety on over to see her! She is one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet! I love visiting her blog! She always has fun giveaways going on too!

Here are the rules for this award:

1) Put the logo on your blog or post.

2) Nominate at least 10 blogs that show great attitude or gratitude.
(In the interest of time, I can only share the Luv with 5 today…but feel free to grab this award if you want to! I want to share the love with all of you!)

3) Link to your nominees within your post.

4) Let the nominees know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

5) Share the love and link to the person from who you received your award.

Here are my Luv Awardees…

*Debra at Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History (The title of her blog alone says alot about this crazy lady! LOVE her! Honestly, she’s just about the best gal around!)

*Kelly at We Don’t Mean to Brag (Kelly is a real sweetheart! She would love your linky love! Her blog is adorable…and so are her kids!)

*Shannon at ..::It’s Trickey::.. (Wonderful bloggy gal! She’s a very inspirational girl and has a heart of gold!)

*Natalie at The Bobby Pin (Natalie is a very witty bloggy girl! She will make you smile and giggle every time you visit!)

*Mother Mayhem at Mother Mayhem (She’s a new bloggy friend and seriously cracks me up!)

If you have a moment, please go give a bloggy shout out to these wonderful ladies!

I was also given the bloggy love from Misadventurous Mommy over at Misadventures in Baby Raising! I heart her so much! She writes a very funny blog about her family of four kids! She’s a full-time student and aspiring writer to boot! She awarded me the Kreativ Blogger award! In order to receive my award I must share 7 things I love with you. Easy, since I’m in a lovey mood!

I also just found out that Denise over at Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys is sharing this with me too! Many of you already know how wonderful Denise is! Truly one of the kindest souls you’ll ever meet! I heart her too! Thank you, Denise! I am honored!

1. I LOVE my family!

2. I LOVE all of my bloggy friends!

3. Like Misadventurous Mommy, I LOVE skulls! Pretty girly skulls not creepy satanic ones!

4. I LOVE Shadow and Gordie (our pets)!

5. I LOVE the movie “Love Actually.”

6. I LOVE Cherry Coke!

7. I LOVE books!

I am to spread the love around so I will share this with Kate at Home is Where My Heart Is. Kate is one of the most creative bloggers I know! She’s a jewel! Please swing by to say hello! I just love her to pieces!

I would also like to share this with Lori over at my faerie window! Her blog is so beautiful, and like Kate, she is incredibly creative! You’ll see when you pop over for a visit!

And Cygnus Macllyr at My Song…come get your Scrap! (Give this kind sir some linky love!)

Whew! That’s all folks!

Have a fantastic weekend!

p.s. For the record…I don’t remember Giselle saying that word in “Enchanted”…Cat is probably just trying to get Giselle in trouble…

I’ll Take You Down, Old Lady! Yes, I Will!

Oh looky! Enchanted woodland creatures are slowly returning to the happy kingdom of Bee and Rose! I hear bluebirds singing! It’s a lovely day!

I know…I know…the last two days were a bit frightening in this neck of the woods, but the scary b*tch witch lady is gone…bye, bye…no worries! Want to know how I know this? Because rubber ducky doesn’t look like this anymore…

Whew! She’s back to her lovely princessy self again!

So, yesterday, I am trying to pull myself out of my hormonal cesspool by focusing on happy thoughts. I got through our school morning by shoving 600 Hershey kisses in my mouth and drinking 5 gallons of coffee. I did a very, very lame-o post about gnomes that I actually published, then removed within about 15 minutes. (Sorry to those of you who endured that nightmare…if I could erase those horrid images from your brains with a mind swipe, I would do it! I was trying to ride the happy thoughts train and I like gnomes…usually…yesterday they just irritated me…moving on…)

After school, Connor and I headed to our local Hallmark store. I love going there because I am good friends with the owner and the gals that work there. We arrive and start checking out the St. Patty’s Day goods (remember, I love all things Irish!) One of the sales gals inquires about Cat’s Irish dance classes. I begin bragging about her immense talent and how she is now in “hard” shoes. (These are the shoes that make the clickety sound when you watch the Riverdancers.) This is a big step for Cat so I am very proud to let the world know how fabulous she is!

A little old lady nearby interrupts and says “Those shoes aren’t called hard shoes. They’re called gullies.” I smile,”Oh! You mean ghillies! Ghillies are the soft shoes.” (These are ghillies…see the difference???)

I turn back to my friend and continue my annoying bragging about how Cat will be a Riverdancer and fabulously wealthy, blah blah blah… “Sweet” old lady says, “Well, my grand-baby is a Highland dancer and they are called gullies!” Uh, hello….don’t remember issuing you an invitation to my gab-fest over here! (and Highland dance is Scottish! And they’re still called ghillies!) Apparently, this little old lady doesn’t see PMS branded across my forehead because she continues on…”She’s been dancing for 4 years now and I know they are called gullies!” She crosses her arms and stares me down. I really don’t want to take an old lady down in the middle of Hallmark. I roll my eyes and turn back to my friend to continue. Old lady clears her throat. “Uh-hmm..” I start to laugh mid-sentence. I mouth to my friend, “Is she for real???” Old lady clears her throat again. My friend, Connor and I move down the aisle to get away from her. She follows us. That’s creepy! Connor tells me he is going to go look at birthday cards for his dad. And this idiot old lady says this to me…”Why is her voice so deep? Oh, he’s a boy. I couldn’t tell because of the hair.” WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU FLIPPIN’ KIDDING ME???!! She was being sarcastic with me?! About my SON!!!????

I knew this lady needed some gum…(I know you’re thinking “there she goes off on a tangent again”…you’ll see it will make sense in about 3 seconds…)

I whipped this out and handed it to her….

(Ok..not really…but I wanted to….) This is what I really did after beating her senseless with my handbag…(ok…I didn’t do that either, but I wanted to…) I turned to her and said in my calm, ‘you’re lucky I don’t want to do time’ voice, “That was incredibly rude and disrespectful to my son. You owe him an apology.” Then I gave her the stinkeye. Another customer who was standing nearby suggested that crappy old lady take a hike because she was disruptive. She told crappy old lady in no uncertain terms to stop being a grump-a-frump and get the heck out of there. (warm fuzzies amidst the cold nasties from the crappy old lady.)

Crappy old lady is now looking like she’s sizing me up for a battle royal in the parking lot. She turns on her heel and leaves. Connor, THANK HEAVENS, did not hear any of this. We continue our shopping and then leave. Crappy old lady is right outside the door. She is now trying to justify her comment but still no apology. I just ignore her and push past her to the car. Connor asks me what’s going on so I tell him once we’re in the car. And do you know what my awesome son says?? He laughs and says, “Mom, it’s no big deal. She just doesn’t know hotness when she sees it anymore!” LOL! I reached over and hugged him. “You got that right, mister!” I love that kid!

Now, FYI…my son looks nothing like a girl. He does have longish skater hair, but he is all boy. (Just ask all the girls that swoon over him everytime we go somewhere! LOL!) Someday, I will convince tween caveboy to allow me to post his picture on my blog. That lady was just being snarky and very unkind. She was darn lucky my brain was drowning in serotonin from all the chocolate I had eaten that morning otherwise I would have opened a can of PMS whoop-a$$ on her nasty self! (Big hug to Kate for reminding me about the can of PMS whoop-a$$!)

And that brings us to the end of our tale. Harmony has been restored to the kingdom. Here’s how I know for sure….when I tucked Catherine into bed last night, she said, “Goodnight! Now hurry up and leave because I have a date with a handsome boy, some unicorns and a rainbow to slide down!” And that, my friends, is a post all by itself for another day!

p.s. Please know that because my friend is the owner of the Hallmark store, I decided to handle this like a lady so as not to create a distubance for her customers. If this would have happened at Walmart, it would’ve have been “on” with this old lady! I wouldn’t be a lady over there! LOL!

Build-a-What & Hot-tie Topic (aka How to Embarrass Your Tot and Tween at the Mall)

Rainy AZ day yesterday = fun family outing! Our mall is 35 miles away so we treat it as a roadtrip…roadtrip? whooo hooo!

Fast forward to the mall…We walk into Hot Topic and my son heads for the band t-shirts. Cat and I stop up front to look at a pink(!) Domo plushie. Here’s a picture of Domo…my kids love this freaky thing.

I hear whispering and giggling coming from behind me. I look and there are 2 adult women ooohing and ahhing over in the Twilight section. Boy howdy! A Twilight section! Cat and I stroll over there. These ladies are gushing and drooling all over the place, and dare I say it? They have to be my age! (I’m 43) We start checking out the goods….

(Twilight band-aids…I’m buying these for my boo-boos and for when Edward Cullen comes to bite me…)

(I’m getting this, stealing one of Cat’s Barbies and pretend it’s me and have a love fest with my Edward Cullen action figure…)

(This poster is going on my ceiling…directly over my bed…)

I am in Twilight heaven and Cat says, “What did you say, Mommy?” I look at her confused. “I didn’t say anything.” She says, “Yes you did. You said hottie.” (she pronounces hottie like this…’hawww-tie’ and whispers it, apparently the way I did..) I can feel a major hot flash coming on. “No I did not!” I tell her. The lady with the most drool, giggles and says, “Yes you did.” I’m thinking “yeah, right, drool lady…I’m not the middle age crazy standing here wearing my “Team Edward” t-shirt. (even though I really want one…)

I realize I need to get the heck out of there before creating a disturbance so we go find Connor. Everytime we get close to him he moves a few feet away. What?? I move toward him…he moves 2 feet further. This is getting funny. Connor is embarrassed to have his mom and sister seen with him at Hot Topic! LOL! Now it becomes my mission to get as close to him as I can while moving him to the exit. Oh, and yeah, I had my camera. If you ever want to freak out your tween, point a camera at him inside a Hot Topic. Mwooohahahaha… I’ll spare you the details, but it was good times.

Next stop, Build a Small Bear Country…I mean Build a Bear Workshop. Off we went to create our 400th citizen for Cat’s land of bears. I am not joking when I say we could’ve have financed a 350 billion dollar bailout with our investment over the years in Build a Bear alone. The kid could fill a Costco warehouse with bear clothes & accessories.

Allow me to introduce Heartsie, our newest citizen…

Connor hates doing anything fun where his sister is concerned so this little stop was pure torture…especially with me shooting off a million pictures.

The kids started getting cranky and nasty with each other. I try my nice voice..”Be nice, guys” to which Catherine replies..”I’m a ‘guhl’ not a guy.” Connor…”CATHERINE..don’t talk to mom that way!” It went straight to WWF smackdown from there. I hiss at Connor, “Do you want me to take you to the bra and panties department at Macys?????” That shuts him up right there because there is nothing more humiliating to a tween boy than running the bra and panty gauntlet in a department store. Catherine keeps chattering on, “yeaah, Connor..we’re going to Macys!” I shoot my evil stinkeye at her and look at Heartsie. She gets the picture. She hugs Heartsie close. “Sorry Connor.” “Me too,” Connor says. Peace in the land at last! Oh, and by the way Connor…I did take a picture of you!!!!

So, we get home and guess what Cat played with for the rest of the evening?

Yep, another box! (see my NO Boys Allowed post…you’ll see my daughter loves the simple pleasures in life…) She wore this thing on her head all night! Heartsie was nowhere in sight…poor dear…

So…I have decided online shopping is the only way to keep me from being commited into an asylum. Sorry mall, I just can’t take the stress anymore. I don’t have to dress up (heck, I don’t even have to get dressed) for my computer. My computer won’t spray me with perfume when I walk by it. It won’t ask me if I like my cell phone service or if I want a neck warmer when I walk by it either. (in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a fan of the mall kiosk…no offense..) And online shopping is a 24/7 paradise.

Gotta scoot…Etsy is calling my name….

p.s…have you tried Polyvore???