For Gigi … A Letter to Heaven

Photobucket

Today there is a happy celebration in Heaven as it would be my beautiful grandmother Gigi’s birthday.  Gigi was definitely the most important influence on my life and it became crystal clear to me how deeply when I was asked to write the eulogy for her memorial service a few years back.  I decided to send a letter directly to God explaining what amazing treasure was on it’s way.  It is a letter meant to bring smiles and giggles.  Thanks in advance for allowing me to share that special letter with you today as we honor her memory:)

Dear God,
On the day I was born, you bestowed upon me a truly precious gift…my grandmother.  Gigi, Mimi, Gram, Grandma…she had many names, but one heart overflowing with love for her family. There’s not a day that goes by that Gigi doesn’t influence me in some way. 
 
PhotobucketSometimes it’s the crocheted potholders I use when getting Catherine’s pizza out of the oven.  Some days, it’s watching Catherine put on her lip gloss and earrings to start her day because Gigi always told her that’s what ladies do…(sorry, Gigi…I haven’t been able to convince her about the bed making thing yet! I’ll keep working on it!) Or it could be Connor wanting to take us all down in a game of Monopoly…Gigi turned Connor into a total Monopoly addict!  Not to mention, she turned the entire family into a bunch of card sharks!
Sometimes, it’s playing “Riddly Riddly I Dee Dee” with the kids or finding pictures in the clouds…Steph and I have learned the value of a good Word Find puzzle or a game of Solitaire from Gigi…You could always count on Gigi to have a great Word Find book laying around!
Photobucket 
Every morning I see Gigi when I fold the pink and white blanket she made for Catherine as a gift on the day she was born. That is an heirloom that Catherine will treasure forever. And there hasn’t been a single Christmas in my adult life that my Christmas tree hasn’t been covered in crocheted snowflakes compliments of Gigi.  
Every time I drive my car, I have Gigi to thank.  She took me out for driving lessons in her green Maverick when I was 16.  We had some good times in that green machine even if she did pull a few Starsky and Hutch moves across route 23 on more than one occasion!  
And of course, there is the infamous Poptart incident….I can thank Gigi for making sure that I will never eat a piece of bologna EVER…I walked in the kitchen one sunny day to find Gigi enjoying a strawberry Poptart and bologna sandwich!  Gross!  But put a lima bean in her face or a glass of water with ice and you’d have thought you were trying to torture her!  
I can’t count the times we dressed her up and she patiently donned whatever costume or hat was requested…she always did it with good humor…even if it required wearing fake boobs with tattoos!  Which leads me to a few things you need to know, God…
Although Gigi seemed to be very sweet and innocent, she could be quite ornery on occasion!  Like the time I spent the night with her and she woke up at 2 am giggling like crazy!  She fell asleep with her dentures in and they fell out into the bed.  After searching around the covers, we discovered the wayward dentures…attached to my leg!  She had a bad case of the giggles for the rest of the night and I slept on the couch after that!
Or how about that time when she paid a stripper to dance for me! What in the world!!! Hello! I’m the modest grand-daughter! Oh, and let’s not forget, tossing back a few shots of Jack Daniels with Clay and Stephanie!  And I cannot even count the times she put “bunny ears” behind me when the kids were around.  There was also that game of late night Ring Around the Rosie out in my parent’s front yard that still remains legendary to this day.  Good times are coming to Heaven, God!
PhotobucketBut the most important thing for you to know about Gigi is how much she loved children. When she worked at the hospital, she used to hold the newborns up to the windows so Steph and I could see them.  When Connor was born, I called her the Baby Whisperer because she could calm his marathon crying episodes in a matter of minutes. She had no problem playing GI Joe with the boys, dolls and dress up with the girls or board games with both.  She even ate a heart-shaped cookie made out of Playdoh because Catherine “baked” it for her!  No joke…took a bite and told her it was delicious!  She is truly the best grandmother in all of your creation.
        I can’t imagine what my life will be without her…she has been my confidant and my sweet best friend…and I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.  I noticed recently that I can see the shape of her hands in my own…Thank you, God for giving me her hands…may they give the same deep love to my family that hers gave to me…I will honor her memory by using my hands to bring happiness to those I love just like Gigi did…Her hands were busy hands…holding those she loved, helping with chores, making good food, a healing touch when a loved one wasn’t well, writing cards for all occasions, making beautiful things, and of course, putting on the lipstick and earrings.  She was a class act and you’re really lucky to be welcoming her home.   
Treasure her, God….she touched so many lives here on this Earth with her generous heart and her smile.  Make sure she has her “shows” up there…I know All My Children might be cancelled down here, but I’m sure you’ve got some pull on that side, right?  Give her some Poptarts and bologna, some baby angels to love on, and she’ll spread the love up there as well. Thank you for loving me so much, Lord, that you gave Effie Eunice Lauerman to me as my grandmother.  I will wrap myself in her memories for the rest of my life…that is the blanket that she made for me….
Love,
Dawn  

Fun Facts about Gigi

She liked to shake her booty

 
She loved babies (she was a baby nurse!)


                                                                   (Gigi , Connor and Cat)
When Gigi was born, she was so tiny she could fit inside a teacup!
She made cool stuff like blankies, snowflakes and awesome noodles (that are illegal in many states!)

She liked to play with us, get her groove on to some funky music and dress up in fancy costumes

Photobucket Photobucket

Photobucket
Is this lady cool or what????
****WARM FUZZIES****

Gigi was always good for a fit of giggles!
PhotobucketPhotobucket
(my awesome nephew, gigi and pre-tween caveboy) (gigi and pre-tween caveboy)

She was always a snappy dresser!

(Check out her fabulous polka dots!)

If you asked her nicely, she’d wear all kinds of hats
PhotobucketPhotobucket
Photobucket
She LOVEd to be a goofball!
Photobucket

She’s a true Princess in my book
Photobucket
(Gigi with Catherine on her 1st birthday)

We miss you so much, Gigi each and every day!

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday in Heaven, Gigi!  Love you!
Advertisements

The Tragic Tale of the Irish Dancer & Her Incontinent Mother

March Madness has officially descended up on our world as we are just days away from St. Patrick’s Day.  Irish Dancer Girl will be shamrockin’ all over the city of Tucson (Irish Dance style) for the next week to spread leprechaun love amongst the citizens.  While going over the performance list this morning, my mind wandered back to a time in the not so distant past where my sweet girl gave me a lovely surprise just before her very first St. Patrick’s Day March Madness performance.  Thought it would be fun to take a stroll down memory lane with ya’ll and give you some giggles.  Sit a spell while I weave a tragic tale of the six year old Irish dancer and her incontinent mother.

One fine March day in 2009, Cat and I began our school morning cutting out shapes and chatting it up like two old ladies at bingo night. I had to (ahem) “use the little ladies room” for the 400th time in 20 minutes, and in the interest of safety, (because I’m one of those annoying over-protective “old” moms) I made Cat come with me…again. She hung out in her room across the hall until I had completed “my mission.” (Sorry, I’m trying to be delicate about this!) I complete “said mission” quickly (less than 3 minutes tops) and start across the hall to get Cat and resume our schoolwork. Her back is to me and she quickly calls out, “Don’t look in here, Mama! I have a surprise for you!” I sing out, “Yay, I love your surprises!” “Close your eyes!” she calls out excitedly!

After a few minutes, Cat meets me in the hall with her surprise. And yeah, to call it a surprise would be a mild understatement. My daughter is sporting some awesome Mia Farrow Frankenbangs! Did you catch that? Frankenbangs…Mia Farrow style…. This is Mia Farrow…
This is me upon seeing her “surprise.”


Typically, her surprises involve artistic drawings of me, maybe a tea party, or her wearing some shiny lipgloss, hooker style…not freshly cut Frankenbangs! 

Once I recovered from my shock and horror, (and made sure she still had her eyeballs,) I smiled and said “Wow! Look at you!” I clapped my hands (so I wouldn’t strangle myself) and grinned (while trying not to yank out my own hair)
, “How in the world did you manage that?” She holds up the blunt tip scissors we had been using earlier…the scissors that should still be in the classroom…the reason I made Cat come with me in the first place.

“I snuck the scissors with me!” She is so stinkin’ proud of herself. “I know you’re really busy and I wanted to help you so I cut my bangs!” Oh…now I remember…I had casually mentioned during breakfast that I needed to trim her bangs that afternoon so they would be out of her eyes for her dance performances the following day and this weekend.

Oh, did I forget to mention that my daughter has 4 IRISH DANCE PERFORMANCES OVER THE NEXT 6 DAYS ALONE!!!!! (sorry for the hysteria….) How the heck am I going to fix this little “franken-bump” in the road!!!!???

She must have watched me fast track it to the crazy train because her eyes started to fill with tears and her chin began quivering. “I’m sorry, Mama. I just wanted to surprise you.” Aw heck! How can I be upset with that? Her intention was clearly to “help a sister out.” She knew I was overwhelmed and wanted to ease my load. It was actually an act of kindness. I scooped her up and gave her a huge hug. “I love your bangs!” I smothered her with smoochies. ( I also did the whole “no scissors on your own hair, or anyone else’s hair either” lecture.)

What to do?  I didn’t have any “Grow” potion like Alice in Wonderland, and Edward Scissorhands wasn’t in the neighborhood for a fast fix. I spent the rest of my day (and I mean, the ENTIRE day) searching the city of Tucson for black and white headbands to fit her small head, and tiny bobby pins so Irish dancer girl could rock a new look at her performances.  Let me show what we were dealing with here…

BEFORE “do it yourself” bangs makeover….

AFTER…sporting her new look…

PERFORMANCE LOOK after “the makeover”

Yep, it’s a bit “pageant” hair in it’s look and her forehead looks like a watermelon, but she’s still adorable!  Oh, those were the days!  My wee dancer girl now looks like this…

Fortunately, she has steered clear of the scissors and lets a professional manage her hairstyle these days.  Now, I used to be one of those mom’s that would read something like this and think, “What the heck is wrong with that person! That would never happen in my house! Hmpf!”  Well, let me tell you, people, it DID happen and I’ve been forever humbled by the experience! I am no longer a Judgmental Janie! No way, no how!

I have decided to honor this occasion with an award…that I created myself…because I was a complete idiot  (Hugh, I know you are truly appreciating this…)



The Hall of Shame Parenting Award goes to……..Dawn, for her shameful parenting skills, her inability to keep track of a pair of blunt tip scissors, and for her lack of bladder control for more than 5 minutes at a time. You are the winner, Dawn! Congratulations on your award!

I am even going to create another award here! The Snip-Snip, Oopsy! Clip Award!  This is awarded for haircuts gone bad, self inflicted bang trauma, etc.  I graciously accept this one too. 


The above hack job was committed on this doll by yours truly when I was young and innocent. Sorry, Mom! At least I didn’t cut my sister’s hair!

Now…I need some moral support here. It would really give me a lift if you can share a really good hair hacking story with me. Or even a really embarrassing parenting moment! That would work too! I’ll take anything…I’m desperate to see I’m not the only fool in town!

Fingers crossed that March Madness this year will be filled with Irish fun and no horrible hair trauma.  (at least until it’s time to put on the curly wig…don’t even get me started…that’s a horror story in itself…Irish dance moms will totally feel the pain of that one…)  Hope you can get out to enjoy the Irish fun in your neighborhood!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

 

Cloudy with a Chance of Chilly

Hello…?…? (peeks head in..)…Is anyone here??….

I’ve missed you all so much! I’ve been busy dragging Chilly to physical therapy multiple times per week (trying to get him up walking again) as well as going to lots of follow-up doctor appointments trying to keep him among the living. His doctors are 45 minutes away. As a matter of fact, my day usually begins with Willie Nelson whispering “On the Road Again” in my ear… it’s kind of like that movie “Groundhog Day” where Bill Murray wakes up every day to “I’ve Got You, Babe”. Thanks, Chilly…the good times just keep coming with you!


So, Chilly and I took Catherine out to see “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.” It was a FABULOUS day! First of all, there was no pink bucket tagging along…….What? What does a pink bucket have to do with taking your wee girl to a movie? Pink Bucket hasn’t left Chilly’s side since he was in the hospital. I’m sure you can use your imagination to figure out what might end up in the pink bucket…let’s just say it starts with “v and ends with “t” all thanks to the swelling in Chilly’s cerebellum..niiiice..We haven’t been able to take Chilly anywhere because, let’s face it, no one wants to hang out with a guy who’s tossing up his cookies every five minutes. (no, that is not a gross exaggeration…well, it’s gross, but not an exaggeration…) Plus, for some bizarre reason, Chilly gives it everything he’s got…like he’s trying out for some disgusting world record on who can do this the loudest. Gackety gack and more gack…Anyhoo….

I decided to treat Irish Dancer Girl to a movie (after I confirmed the sale of my kidney to pay for the tickets) to bring a smile to her face. Chilly wanted to go along….uh~oh…Irish Dancer Girl was pretty clear that Pink Bucket would not be welcome. In her words, “Dad, the movie isn’t called Cloudy With a Chance of V…”(well, you get the idea…) So, Chilly ventured out without PB. Thank Goodness! It was a successful trip…hallelujah!

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was FANTASTIC! We loved it! Definitely worth the kidney sacrifice! I highly recommend it! We will be purchasing the DVD when it comes out. It was absolutely delightful!

It was the first time that Chilly has ever been able (due to his many health complications) to go to a movie with Irish Dancer Girl at a movie theater. It was a very special day. Chilly was pretty overwhelmed with the reality that we may not have many of these special outings ahead of us and that we really need to soak it all in while we do. It was a day filled with many emotions, but much joy. (Looking forward to more outings without the pink bucket!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haunt Your Home!

I found a few goodies to help you celebrate Halloween! You can get these from www.grandinroad.com! Lots of fun stuff over there (including the Broomba!)

Spooky Wall Mount Hands!


Monster Wanted Posters!


Happy Haunting!

xoxo

Monday Musings….My Thirteenth Tale


<!–[if !mso]> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } <![endif]–> <!– /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;}
–>

Thirteen years ago today, I was awakened at 3:00 am by both of my grandmothers pestering me in a dream. They were insisting that I get out of bed and go straight to the ladies room…IMMEDIATELY…They kept telling me that my brand new mattress was about to be horribly ruined if I didn’t get up RIGHT NOW. Annoyed that my dream~visiting grandmothers wouldn’t leave me alone, I got up, went to the bathroom and my water broke…hand to God..true story…(Thanks for the heads up on the mattress, Grandmas!)
Fast forward twelve hours to 3:30 pm…I’m ready to have my baby and BAM! The power goes out in 10 states! No kidding! Uh, hello!? What happened to that nice epidural drip!? Ahhh, thank you, generator, for turning my epidural drip back on! Finally, straight up at 5:00 pm, my first child was born.
I’d like to thank the hospital for having a soda fountain right outside my room…this kept Chilly entertained all through my labor (as well as his thirst quenched.) There’s nothing like the sound of someone filling up with ice and soda to make your labor go more smoothly…especially when you’re at the point where you can’t have any more liquids.
I’d also like to thank Chilly for ditching me the minute he saw the needle used for the epidural. Yep, he ran out of the room (probably to the soda fountain.) I can finally laugh about it, Chilly…it only took me thirteen years to see the humor.
Connor’s first few years were filled with many health challenges. Someday I’ll share that story. Today, however, is for celebrating because my son is now a teenager!
I am truly excited for him! (and a wee bit wistful too.) Connor is a kind, compassionate young man. He’s very smart and has a wicked sense of humor! He wants to pursue a career in medicine (specifically cardiology.) I have no doubt he will achieve that goal! He’s an old soul!
As I reflect on the past 13 years, I am filled with memories laced with Legos, Buzz Lightyear, Star Wars, video games, and a Monopoly obsession. He has developed great taste in music and can rock his guitar like a pro. He makes me laugh every day with his crazy sense of humor. He’s also a top-notch zombie assassin. I love to annoy him with my “awesome” singing when we play Rock Band together.
Happy Birthday, awesome kid of mine! I’m so proud to be your mother. You are my greatest teacher, and I love you with my whole heart. Here’s wishing you a fantastic thirteenth year! You rock!

Happy Birthday, Teen Caveboy!
xoxo
Love,

Well, Twitter Dee Dee…This and That Thursday…

Well, bless my bloggy heart! I opened my email this morning to find 13 new followers for me on Twitter! I must admit this makes me feel a wee bit paranoid because I don’t tweet. That’s right, I said I don’t tweet….I know, I’m a techno-dinosaur…

As I’ve mentioned before, I opened a Twitter account when I began blogging…that was the extent of my twittering. Being a newbie, I didn’t understand the whole tweet thing so I basically forgot about it….until this morning…when 13 strangers decided all at once to follow my non-tweeting Twitter. Don’t get me wrong….I’ve had some bloggy friends follow me on Twitter…that’s cool…I know who they are and maybe someday I will tweet away with them! The 13 that joined me overnight?….not a clue who they are! Is it possible there’s some weird Tweet conspiracy going on here??? What the Tweet!?! (Thank you, Twitter 13, for following me! I’m not sure I understand what’s going on, but thanks anyway!)
******
And this is for my Mom…We love you, T-Rex!


Not Me Monday: Tuesday Edition

I am NOT living in a time warp….I am NOT posting a NOT ME Monday post on a Tuesday…..I would never be such a lame-o….(I did NOT keep picturing these creepy characters singing “Let’s Do The Time Warp Again” while typing the words above….I do NOT have that song stuck in my head now….oy…)


*************************************************************************************

I am NOT extremely frustrated after spending many hours trying to comment on various blogs only to have this happen….After typing my comment, I am prompted to select a profile. When I click on google account, I get nothing. I click on post comment…still nothing…I went around trying to spread my comment love all over the place and discovered my comments were NOT being received. ARGGGHHH! This isn’t happening on every blog I visit, just the ones that appear to have comments embedded in a post. (Pop-up window comments are still working fine.) I’ve tried to select other profiles, even tried using the dreaded Anonymous option just to let my bloggy buddies know I was there, and it still does not work. I did NOT spend hours trying to deal with this yesterday.

I would NOT be eternally grateful for anyone’s kind assistance on this matter. I am NOT trying to play catch up on my comment lovin’ this week. I am NOT using this as we speak….

*************************************************************************************
I do NOT want you to win an iPod Touch over at Devri’s fabulous blog! NO I DO NOT! You do NOT want to put your name in that contest because you already know I am the winner…She does NOT have the cutest Twitter backgrounds (FREE and Custom) waiting for you on her new website, Tweetest Backgrounds!!!

*************************************************************************************

Do NOT go to this place if you like cheap eats and good pizza…

I am NOT loving Cici’s Pizza Buffet. I would NEVER actually try Mac-n-Cheese pizza and like it. I did NOT eat a gazillion pieces of Buffalo Chicken Pizza either…or Spinach Florentine Pizza or Apple Cobbler Pizza or have tons of Bacon Ranch Tossed Salad or fabulous Hot Wings….

I do NOT need to ramp up my work out efforts after gorging out at Cici’s flippin’ CHEAP (read $4.99 / $3.49 kids 10 and under) All You Can Eat buffet on Saturday night.

I did NOT almost choke on the pizza that I was NOT gobbling up at a high rate of speed when I saw this….a young woman wearing a very revealing top bent over to feed her baby…suddenly, her boob fell right out of her shirt and smacked the baby right upside the head!!! It didn’t even faze her (which makes me think it’s happened to her before)…she just tucked it back in and continued on….

We also did NOT have fun annoying Chilly by blinking at him and telling him we were taking his picture. I did NOT coerce the kids into doing this with me as my desperate plea for a new camera.

*************************************************************************************

I do NOT have combative, bullying seat belts in my truck….The seat belt did NOT try to hold Catherine hostage after we parked the car. She did NOT punch the seat belt and yell at it. I did NOT try to calm her down by telling her that punching and yelling at the seat belt was only ruining her day…not the seat belt’s…..She did NOT lean over and whisper this to me…”But the seat belt started it, Mom”…..

*************************************************************************************

My six year old daughter did NOT sound like a little old lady when she said this yesterday…”Mom, I think I need some apple juice…I’ve got the constipation”….NOPE, all 6 year olds speak this kind of potty talk…

*************************************************************************************

I did NOT chew my nails completely off watching these two movies on Sunday with Chilly…


I did NOT cry to the point of nearly swelling my eyeballs shut at the end of Gran Torino…I did NOT want to bitch-slap the idiot mother in Taken either….I did NOT love both of these movies…

**************************************************************************************

NERDY ALERT!!! Do NOT go visit one of the funniest bloggers in BloglandNerdy Jess...NO! DON’T go over and read her because you might just pee your panties….(unless your in your early twenties and haven’t had the pleasure of giggle incontinence….) I have already adopted her as my own so don’t go trying to steal her from me….You will NOT laugh yourself silly and you will NOT want to adopt her too…..

*************************************************************************************

Do NOT have a great week doing fun summer things like eating watermelon, swimming, catching fireflies and basking in the sun….Do NOT rub it in my face that there are no fireflies in AZ…I am NOT very sad about that…I do NOT missing catching fireflies on a lovely summer’s evening…My mother did NOT feel so sad for me during my firefly pity party last summer that she brought me this back from Ohio…faux fireflies in a jar! We love them!

xoxo

Join in the Not Me! Monday fun brought to the land of Blog from MckMama over at My Charming Kids!

Thankful Thursday: A Gentle Reminder (or a brick upside the head…)


Today we are a wee bit sensitive at the Bee and Rose….you can all send your thanks to Chilly for that….(for those of you just joining our regularly scheduled programming, Chilly would be my hubster…)

You see, Tuesday evening, the Chillmeister decided to interrupt my practically perfect pity party with news that he was bringing home the DVD “Seven Pounds” starring Will Smith. As he delivered this bombshell, I was in the midst of a series of “Why Me’s”, “What Do You Want From Me’s” and other assorted mental suckage issues with God. I find it ironic that shortly after I issued my invite to the Heavens to my pity party, Chilly calls about the DVD. Mind you, he is really proud of himself because he feels he has “listened” to me during casual conversation where I mentioned once that I would like to see that movie. So he calls, and says “I have a surprise for you…yada, yada, yada” and I reply “Whatev” and get back to the pity party. (I think God used Chilly as His messenger to me, because not only did he bring home the movie, but picked up dinner too! Now I am totally suspicious…I feel an emotional conspiracy going on here….)


Fast forward to after the movie….I now understand why this movie is titled “Seven Pounds”….because you need seven pounds of Kleenex while watching it!

Will Smith is absolutely outstanding in this movie! As we are a family potentially dealing with the same issues shown in the film, we were deeply moved by this inspiring (albeit very emotionally charged) story. I don’t want to give any plot details away, but I will say it is a film that will sit with you emotionally long after you’ve seen it.

It is a heartfelt, and at times, soul wrenching story that touched my soul in so many ways. Ironically, it completely shifted my mental attitude from the sadness and overwhelm I feel about Chilly’s situation, etc. to a much more hopeful place. It reminded me of my abundance and good fortune (and I don’t mean that in the material sense.)

I couldn’t have watched it at a better time in my life. Thank you, Chilly, for listening….Thank you, God, for your impeccable timing (as usual!)

Not Me Monday: Milk Duds, Medals and Bringing Back My Mojo

Join in the Not Me! Monday fun brought to the land of Blog from MckMama over at My Charming Kids!

I did NOT have a lovely weekend with my family in Scottsdale while enjoying Catherine’s Irish dance competition. I did NOT enjoy my huge turkey salad at Shogun on Friday. Chilly does NOT force us to eat at Shogun everytime we visit Scottsdale. He did NOT talk non-stop about their stupid famous turkey salad from the minute he found out we were going to Scottsdale. I did NOT want to shove the ginormous salad down his throat the minute it was served just to shut him up already about the turkey salad. (I am NOT admitting to the public that I love this turkey salad as much as Chilly does.)

I did NOT find out all sorts of interesting things about Chilly from his best friend who joined us for lunch at Shogun that I can use in the future blackmailing of my husband. There are NOT photos involved in these sordid tales to prove these stories are NOT true.

I am NOT ridiculously proud of this adorable Irish dancer girl…


She did NOT win 4 medals and did NOT move up a level in 3 of her dances in her second competition ever. She is NOT a natural born Irish dancer…NOT this cutie pie!

The kids and I did NOT think we were hallucinating in the Fry’s grocery store parking lot last Thursday afternoon because we did NOT see a HORSE “parked” in a parking space. We do NOT love living in AZ because this is NOT normal behavior for the wild west. I did NOT say out loud that I was bummed that I didn’t have my camera with me because I did NOT want to take a photo of it for my blog. Tween Caveboy did NOT roll his eyes at me when I mentioned my blog.

I did NOT feel like “Big Brother” was watching us everywhere we went on our trip to Scottsdale / Phoenix over the weekend. I did NOT notice the millions of photo radar cameras that are posted every mile or so on practically every street. I did NOT notice the gazillions of highway patrol on I-10 either. I did NOT leave the Valley of the Sun feeling extremely paranoid.

I did NOT go on a Milk Dud binge last week while making gift baskets for a fundraising raffle. I did NOT have to replace three boxes of Milk Duds for the raffle baskets because I did NOT eat the ones purchased for them. I also did NOT eat the package of Red Vines intended for said raffle baskets either. I do NOT eat candy when I feel stress because it’s bad for me.


I was NOT surprised that the salon of doom reimbursed the money for my botched color job. I did NOT want to say “I TOLD YOU SO” to the receptionist when he saw how badly the “stylist” had messed it up. He did NOT look horrified and hurriedly hand me my money so that I would leave quickly. He was NOT worried that other customers might notice the HORRENDOUS job that their salon did on my hair. I have NOT decided to embrace my Kelly Clarkson look temporarily because 3 salon professionals have told me that it would seriously damage my hair further to try to correct it at this stage. These same professionals did NOT look at me with their eyes filled with pity upon seeing the gaps and streaks in my hair. I will NOT be posting photos of this hair nightmare later this week.

I do NOT wish that you all have a joyful week ahead of you filled with lots of laughter and good times! I certainly do NOT want you to have fun this fine month of June!

xoxo

Cleaning the Witch’s Cottage

Happy Birthday, Chilly!

Chilly is 41 today! As you may remember from my LONG post on Tuesday, Chilly was in the hospital on his birthday last year for a triple bypass. In honor of his one year Heartaversary and 41st Birthday, the kids and I would like to present Chilly with a cake!

Enjoy, Chilly! I knew you’d love it! (Excuse me while I go throw up…) Thank you, Cake Wrecks! Don’t worry, Chilly! We have your “real” cake waiting at home! (Didn’t have time to book the strippers you requested…sorry!)

Well, it’s been 65 days since I began my journey into the land of Blog! It’s also been 65 days since I’ve cleaned my house, fed my kids, done the laundry, took a shower…you get the picture. (not really…but it looks and smells that way; yuck!)

Today we are cleaning the witch’s cottage. We have to get everything ship shape for Chilly’s birthday party this evening. Hopefully, I will not suffer too terribly from blogger withdrawal. (Please pray for me. I’ll try to keep my twitches to a minimum especially since I hate cleaning as deeply as I love blogging…)


(Oh Sarcasm, dear sweet friend, must you show yourself in my blog on Chilly’s birthday? Now scooty on out of here!)

Normally I just wiggle my nose and snap my fingers to have a clean and tidy cottage. Alas, today it’s not to be. My alter ego, Samantha Stevens is hiding deep in the recesses of my subconscious. No amount of bribery seems to summon that crazy witch! I guess I’m on my own…flapdoodle and blatherskite as dear old Aunt Clara would say!

Cat and I have gathered our potions, brooms, magic vac and spell book. We’re going to try a little conjuring of our own. With a little luck, we may just end up with a sparkling clean house that doesn’t smell like a dumpster!


(Our little broom better not be bossy today! He can get out of control barking out his sweeping orders!)

Hopefully, we’ll finish early so I can enjoy a little quality “me” time before Chilly gets home. I just got this new book that is calling my name. Here…I’ll share a little with you… (Dad, you may want to turn from the computer at this point…just sayin’…)

Here’s a page from inside…are you ready? I can just feel your excitement…

In case you can’t read the page, it says…”As soon as I finish the laundry, I’ll do the grocery shopping. And I’ll take the kids with me so you can relax.”

Now that’s HOT! Hunky hotties that clean and help with the kids? That’s my kind of porn, baby! And this page is just a taste! I think I’ll read it while wearing my apron, rubber gloves and slipper genies. I’ll fan myself with my pink feather duster. I’m getting all tingly just thinkin’ about it!

How are you spending your Thursday?


Makeup Monday Madness (aka Can Ya Help a Sister Out With a Camera?)

Hello, family and friends! I am back after a ‘no post’ weekend! A first for me! I must say I felt weird and vulnerable not exposing myself for two whole days. Not to worry, I’ll be exposing myself all week long!

Today, I would like to share a bit about one of my BBFF’s (bloggy best friend forever), Baby Roca’s Mommy over at My Last Shreds of Sanity. Yesterday was her 38th birthday and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind a few belated Happy Birthday wishes from friendly bloggers like yourselves! If you haven’t yet had the pleasure of her acquaintance, please drop in for a visit! She is charming, witty and giggles are guaranteed! She loves Rick Springfield and she has a very cool leg lamp widget from A Christmas Story too! She is having Shan’s Week-end Wordles over at her bloggy beginning this weekend so swing on over to see all the fun goings-on over there! I think Week-end Wordles are a great way to do a weekend post without frying your brain too much! Thank you, Shannon for saving our brain cells! (Mr. Linky ain’t a walk in the park people! Go give Shannon some lovin’ this weekend especially! I know you’ll love her as much as I do!)

I would like to give a big thank you to TuTu’s Bliss for inviting me to her Awards Buffet! (You know me, I can’t pass a buffet without stuffing myself!) I picked up a few lovely delights over there! You must go read TuTu’s blog! You will laugh your tushy off! Her post today is hilarious! And anyone who can talk about their breastache is a superhero in my book! (and her tutus are to die for!) This is what I grabbed at the buffet…

I would like to pass these lovely awards to Randi over at Beauty Be Good! She is a loyal commenter (on many, many blogs!) She is very creative…not to mention one of the most genuine, friendly bloggers I’ve ever had the pleasure to “meet”! She likes to wear new bloggy attire and is always changing it up over at her blog! I heart her!

Now, as mentioned in my title, I need some camera advice. My camera is ready to be put in a home for old cameras. I need a new one. I LOVE to take pictures, people! Love it! I need camera that takes FANTASTIC photos without a whole lot of help from me. Point and shoot…that’s what I need. I want a digital camera that will not have that darn delay that the old digicams have. I want clear beautiful photos. I take lots of candids and action shots of the Irish dancer girl. I want something that captures action shots clearly. I have been checking out some Sony models. Got any ideas??? I am getting desperate! My daughter had two Irish dance performances this weekend and my photos are rotten! Blurry, blur blur! ARGGH! So not only did I miss her performance because I was dealing with the dumb camera, but the photos are horrible! Please help me out of my spiral of despair! Here is a photo from yesterday’s performance…blurry, weird alien eyes…UGH! (Check out her form! She’s in the air!)

I need to document the Irish dancer girl’s progress so there are some good shots for her E True Hollywood story debut when she is a Riverdancer dating Hugh Jackman’s son. I am anxiously awaiting your advice, oh camera professionals!

Happy Monday!