The Tragic Tale of the Irish Dancer & Her Incontinent Mother

March Madness has officially descended up on our world as we are just days away from St. Patrick’s Day.  Irish Dancer Girl will be shamrockin’ all over the city of Tucson (Irish Dance style) for the next week to spread leprechaun love amongst the citizens.  While going over the performance list this morning, my mind wandered back to a time in the not so distant past where my sweet girl gave me a lovely surprise just before her very first St. Patrick’s Day March Madness performance.  Thought it would be fun to take a stroll down memory lane with ya’ll and give you some giggles.  Sit a spell while I weave a tragic tale of the six year old Irish dancer and her incontinent mother.

One fine March day in 2009, Cat and I began our school morning cutting out shapes and chatting it up like two old ladies at bingo night. I had to (ahem) “use the little ladies room” for the 400th time in 20 minutes, and in the interest of safety, (because I’m one of those annoying over-protective “old” moms) I made Cat come with me…again. She hung out in her room across the hall until I had completed “my mission.” (Sorry, I’m trying to be delicate about this!) I complete “said mission” quickly (less than 3 minutes tops) and start across the hall to get Cat and resume our schoolwork. Her back is to me and she quickly calls out, “Don’t look in here, Mama! I have a surprise for you!” I sing out, “Yay, I love your surprises!” “Close your eyes!” she calls out excitedly!

After a few minutes, Cat meets me in the hall with her surprise. And yeah, to call it a surprise would be a mild understatement. My daughter is sporting some awesome Mia Farrow Frankenbangs! Did you catch that? Frankenbangs…Mia Farrow style…. This is Mia Farrow…
This is me upon seeing her “surprise.”


Typically, her surprises involve artistic drawings of me, maybe a tea party, or her wearing some shiny lipgloss, hooker style…not freshly cut Frankenbangs! 

Once I recovered from my shock and horror, (and made sure she still had her eyeballs,) I smiled and said “Wow! Look at you!” I clapped my hands (so I wouldn’t strangle myself) and grinned (while trying not to yank out my own hair)
, “How in the world did you manage that?” She holds up the blunt tip scissors we had been using earlier…the scissors that should still be in the classroom…the reason I made Cat come with me in the first place.

“I snuck the scissors with me!” She is so stinkin’ proud of herself. “I know you’re really busy and I wanted to help you so I cut my bangs!” Oh…now I remember…I had casually mentioned during breakfast that I needed to trim her bangs that afternoon so they would be out of her eyes for her dance performances the following day and this weekend.

Oh, did I forget to mention that my daughter has 4 IRISH DANCE PERFORMANCES OVER THE NEXT 6 DAYS ALONE!!!!! (sorry for the hysteria….) How the heck am I going to fix this little “franken-bump” in the road!!!!???

She must have watched me fast track it to the crazy train because her eyes started to fill with tears and her chin began quivering. “I’m sorry, Mama. I just wanted to surprise you.” Aw heck! How can I be upset with that? Her intention was clearly to “help a sister out.” She knew I was overwhelmed and wanted to ease my load. It was actually an act of kindness. I scooped her up and gave her a huge hug. “I love your bangs!” I smothered her with smoochies. ( I also did the whole “no scissors on your own hair, or anyone else’s hair either” lecture.)

What to do?  I didn’t have any “Grow” potion like Alice in Wonderland, and Edward Scissorhands wasn’t in the neighborhood for a fast fix. I spent the rest of my day (and I mean, the ENTIRE day) searching the city of Tucson for black and white headbands to fit her small head, and tiny bobby pins so Irish dancer girl could rock a new look at her performances.  Let me show what we were dealing with here…

BEFORE “do it yourself” bangs makeover….

AFTER…sporting her new look…

PERFORMANCE LOOK after “the makeover”

Yep, it’s a bit “pageant” hair in it’s look and her forehead looks like a watermelon, but she’s still adorable!  Oh, those were the days!  My wee dancer girl now looks like this…

Fortunately, she has steered clear of the scissors and lets a professional manage her hairstyle these days.  Now, I used to be one of those mom’s that would read something like this and think, “What the heck is wrong with that person! That would never happen in my house! Hmpf!”  Well, let me tell you, people, it DID happen and I’ve been forever humbled by the experience! I am no longer a Judgmental Janie! No way, no how!

I have decided to honor this occasion with an award…that I created myself…because I was a complete idiot  (Hugh, I know you are truly appreciating this…)



The Hall of Shame Parenting Award goes to……..Dawn, for her shameful parenting skills, her inability to keep track of a pair of blunt tip scissors, and for her lack of bladder control for more than 5 minutes at a time. You are the winner, Dawn! Congratulations on your award!

I am even going to create another award here! The Snip-Snip, Oopsy! Clip Award!  This is awarded for haircuts gone bad, self inflicted bang trauma, etc.  I graciously accept this one too. 


The above hack job was committed on this doll by yours truly when I was young and innocent. Sorry, Mom! At least I didn’t cut my sister’s hair!

Now…I need some moral support here. It would really give me a lift if you can share a really good hair hacking story with me. Or even a really embarrassing parenting moment! That would work too! I’ll take anything…I’m desperate to see I’m not the only fool in town!

Fingers crossed that March Madness this year will be filled with Irish fun and no horrible hair trauma.  (at least until it’s time to put on the curly wig…don’t even get me started…that’s a horror story in itself…Irish dance moms will totally feel the pain of that one…)  Hope you can get out to enjoy the Irish fun in your neighborhood!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

 

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Are You There, Oprah? It’s Me, Dawn….

Ok…let’s review the list of reasons I need a fabulous makeover and spa getaway…all courtesy of Oprah, of course…

Exhibit A….I recently doused my freshly styled hair with lavender/vanilla scented febreeze…in my defense, I thought it was my hairspray…it didn’t even register that my hairspray is actually a pump bottle…nope, I just grabbed it and went to town…It even took me a few minutes to realize that my hair was wet and smelling like a lavender field in France before the horror of my actions set in…

Exhibit B…I was excitedly telling Irish Dancer Girl (age 7) that I’d found the perfect costume for Halloween…Sue Sylvester from Glee!  Boom!  Easy!  Just slap on a track suit, grab a megaphone, throw on a short blonde wig, and allow my snarky sarcasm to flow freely from my lips…it’s beautiful…right?  Nope…Irish Dancer Girl just looked at me and said, “uh, isn’t she taller than you…a lot taller than you?…and…(long pause…while she looks at my tummy…) “you know…”(looks at my tummy again…) GRRRR….

Exhibit C…While toasting a bagel for my son, I remembered I had to toss in a load of laundry…zipped over to the washing machine and turned it on…back to the bagel…that I apparently “toasted” in the refrigerator on my way to the washing machine…oh…did I mention that after the wash cycle had completed, my clothing was gone? I had no idea that my clothes could become invisible!  I just hope they don’t disappear while I’m wearing them…that would be blight on the city of Tucson…chaos would erupt all over the southwest…{{shudder}}

Clearly, this shows that a spa vacation and makeover is needed, right? If I looked better and was revitalized from the spa, I would never behave in such a manner…So come on, Oprah!  Help a whack job out…pleeeease????


Have a fabulous day!


How Do Ya Like Me Now?!

It’s reveal day here at the Bee and Rose!  I treated myself to a bloggy makeover to mark my return to the Land of Blog!
Isn’t it lovely??!!  The gals over at Designer Blogs created this beautiful design for me!  I have to tell you…they are simply the BEST! 

Amy is the fabulous designer who created this awesome bloggy home for me!  She took all the little bits and pieces I gave her and wove it into a magical blend of bloggy delight!  It’s so much more than I could’ve ever imagined!  Thank you sooo much, Amy!  You are one of the kindest people around!
These ladies have a portfolio of designs that are absolutely gorgeous!  I highly recommend them!  They are top notch professionals.  They stay in close communication during the creative process.  They are super friendly.  Customer satisfaction is definitely top priority with these ladies!  Scooty on over there and check them out!  You will love them!

XoXo




My Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Today’s post was originally going to begin with a fabulous Wordle I tried to create to honor one of my favorite movies, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” However, my computer is not cooperating with me right now so just pretend you that what you see up there is a real Wordle and not this fake thingy I’m trying to pass off as one. If you have a moment, why not visit Shannon’s Wordle Weekends at Last Shreds of Sanity to join the Wordle fun?! (I love making Wordles…not sure why “my precious” (aka computer) is being so persnickety this morning…..)

Back to my Breakfast at Tiffany’s….


If I were having breakfast at Tiffany’s this morning, this is what I would order off of the “menu”…

I’d start with some gorgeous key pendants….I love keys…I have them all over my home in all shapes and sizes…

Then I’ll have this….and I should probably order these off the “menu” too….
and then I should have some dessert….
I will have to buy some souvenirs to commemorate this very special breakfast….I think these little beauties are just the ticket….Holly Golightly shades and a Tiffany “blue box” charm….

Yummmmmy….that is the most pleasurable breakfast I’ve ever had!

Audrey Hepburn was a shining light during her life, and her life is an inspiration to me. She was an amazing humanitarian, a classic beauty and lived her life with great integrity. I loved her style…she made wearing capris, a button down shirt and flats an iconic fashion statement…I love this look still….absolutely timeless…and of course, who could forget that gorgeous black dress and pearls….sigh…….

She would often quote her favorite poem by Sam Levenson….you may be familiar with it…It is the perfect meaning of real beauty…I love it too…

Time Tested Beauty Tips….

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows. “

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I am off to grab a real Holly Golightly inspired breakfast of croissants and coffee…then I am going to curl up and watch the movie…It’s time to dump the frump and get my girly on! I think I’ll throw my hair up in a Holly Golightly French Twist while I’m at it!

Wishing you a very Happy Sunday!

One last thing! Happy Father’s Day, Dad!!! We can’t wait to see you next week!!!! Love and miss you!

xoxo

P.S. Yes, Chilly, there is a Tiffany’s store in Tucson…and how nice of me to give you the 411 on exactly what I need!

Not Me Monday: Can I Have Your Autograph, Kelly Clarkson?

Join in the Not Me! Monday fun brought to the land of Blog from MckMama over at My Charming Kids!

I did NOT have my mini makeover this weekend. I did NOT return home from the hair salon looking like her….(seriously…my hair is NOT this streaky or these same colors…no offense, Kelly, this looks fabulous on you….for those of you new to this style of blog meme…this is exactly what my hair looks like right now but with more bleachy streaks…)

Chilly and the kids did NOT call me Kelly Clarkson all weekend. My stylist would NEVER do this to me especially when I told him this (see photo below) is what I wanted….I did NOT show him a photo of the color I wanted….My hair is NOT even more auburn than before with huge streaks of bleach blonde…(not that I didn’t enjoy my previously auburn colored hair, I just wanted to shake things up for summer…)

I did NOT make it extremely clear that I wanted all coppery red tones out of my hair. I did NOT say repeatedly I wanted soft ash blonde for summer. I did NOT say to him NO CHUNKY HIGHLIGHTS when I saw the bleach cream on the color stand. I did NOT repeatedly try to make sure he was very clear on the whole ash blonde idea. He apparently did NOT give a crap about what I (the customer) wanted. I am NOT sporting the exact hairstyle in the Kelly Clarkson photo at this moment. I do NOT look like a skunk with a lopsided stripe when I pull my hair back because my bangs are NOT a huge streak of bleach blonde hair on one side. It is NOT the worst color job I’ve ever had…EVER….

I did NOT contact the salon to correct this hair nightmare ASAP because I do NOT have a mini vacation coming this weekend while NOT attending my daughter’s Irish dance competiton in Scottsdale. I did NOT ride an emotional rollercoaster all weekend because of my hair. I wear big girl panties…I would NEVER act so silly over my hair…just ask my family who I did NOT drive crazy with my whining. I will NOT stop torturing you with my continued whining here…

I am NOT delirious with delight that it is JUNE!!!!! I am NOT hoping that all of this crazy black rain cloud of energy that has been around me for the last two months has gone bye bye! I am NOT focusing on lots of positive vibes today!

Hope you are NOT having a great start to the month of June!

xoxo…


Friday Fragments: Frolic, Fun and WTF????? (What the FLIP, I’m G-rated over here…)

Join the Friday Fragments Fun over at Half Past Kissin’ Time!

Hi….My name is Dawn, and I have NSPMS…Non-Stop PMS….That’s right, folks…you are taking your chances hanging out around here today! My kids are now calling me Plankton because everytime they ask me to do something fun with them this week, I sing this song to them…Plankton’s part….(go ahead…play it….you’ll get a much clearer picture of who I am this week…)

Yep….I like Plankton….now that you are as annoyed as I am, let’s move on…

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Good Summer Reading…..

I am too grumpy to tell you what it’s about so just read it…got it? grrrrr…

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Friday Feng Shui: Read this too…..It’s a great book about Feng Shui and really humorous as well! It’s my favorite book on Feng Shui and offers up really easy tips to bring prosperity and harmony into your little sanctuary…(oops…I didn’t just sound upbeat…you are mistaken….here…I’ll throw in another growl….grrrr….)

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A fair warning kind word to a select few employees at Subway…if a parent orders a cheese sandwich for their child, that usually means you should put more than one tiny triangle of cheese on the sandwich. I realize this type of sandwich does not provide you, the Sandwich Artist, with much of a creative challenge. I’m sure I probably offended your Sandwich Artist sensibilities with such a simple request. However, a six inch sub with one tiny cheese triangle would offend my 6 year old. You’re darn lucky I pointed out your cheap ass ways unintentional error before she could unleash her fury on you. You’re welcome….

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Tomorrow, I begin my Mommy Makeover. Since I couldn’t do my spa day last weekend as originally planned…(more details in a moment)….I will be launching Mommy Makeover 2009 tomorrow. I am getting my hair all dolled up with a new cut and color! No more old MOM hair for me!

So this is why last weekend was a bust….I made an appointment with an upscale salon in Tucson….I received a “courtesy” call two days after I scheduled the appointment from the salon informing me that the price they quoted me for my spa day was incorrect. It was actually more than double what they shared with me originally….oh, and by the way (informed the snooty receptionist) they figure your “30%!!!!” gratuity into your final price as a convenience for you. LOL!!! THIRTY PERCENT CONVENIENCE! I asked what would happen if I didn’t feel the stylist was worth the 30%….Snooty replied “Then I guess you’ll go somewhere else next time…” WHAT? I told her I was saving myself the trouble and going somewhere else this time…Please tell me, friends…last time I checked a 20-25% tip was more than fair at a salon…right???

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Have a wonderful weekend, my sweet bloggy friends! I hope to back in strong bloggy action next week! I miss you all, and can’t wait to catch up on what’s been happening around here! (Sorry I’ve been a poor bloggy buddy…haven’t had much computer time lately!)

xoxo

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? (I WISH!)

I woke up this morning to find that my husband had left the TV on all night. I was about to nag him about the cost of electricity, how much this disturbs your sleep pattern, blah, blah, blah, when I rolled over toward the TV and saw this….

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Oh yeah…that’s right…Ty Pennington was plastered all over the TV screen…I stopped nagging in mid-sentence and curled up in my blankie…(cue the Barry White music…)

It seems that this hunkalicious hottie is in my neck of the woods today….mmmm….and it seems that at 2:00 pm, he and the crew from Extreme Makeover Home Edition will be doing a big family reveal not too far from me….yuuummmmyyyy……what’s a girl to do????

I start planning my day…hmmm…Cat has dance in Tucson at 3:00 just down the road from where this big reveal will take place…let’s see…can I…oops, I mean can Cat & I make it there and get to dance in time???? (I’m getting all bubbly feeling inside…) What should I wear? How should I do my hair? Ohhh, so much to do and so little time to do it!!! Can I get an extreme makeover in time to go see his extreme makeover? I better get hoppin’!

I hear my nerdanderthal husband grunting something at me. Gee thanks, Chilly, for reminding me that I’m married. Ugh! Can’t he see that I have to get ready for my makeover??? “You’re dumb,” he grunts at me. I giggle at him cause he’s just jealous. I mean, Ty Pennington…hot and handy! Wow! And he has his own line of bed linens!! Does it get any better????

My husband is looking at me like I’ve completely lost my mind. That’s when it occurs to me…I am a huge NERDanderthal too! Yes, that’s what looking at Ty Pennington does to me….turns me into a blubbering, lusty wench…I mean nerdy girl. (cue more Barry White music please…or Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” would be lovely too…) Well, that’s fine by me…NERD away, I say!

I sigh and come back down to earth…my hopes of a fantasy meeting with Ty clearly dashed by the nerdanderthal. (Oh, Chilly, you can go ga-ga and drool all over Kara tonight when Idol comes on…you know you will…oh, and by the way, Chilly…sorry we don’t have Comcast…lol! private joke…)

Now it’s time for me to get on with my makeover…I mean, my school day…I’ll let ya’ll know how dance class goes…wink, wink…

p.s. Chilly, you’re the best…even if you do have a crush on that dumb Jenna girl…blech…

p.s.s. The answers for yesterday’s post…1)H.R. Pufnstuf 2)Witchypoo 3)Sigmund the Seamonster 4)Electra Woman & Dyna Girl (yes, that is Dr. Marlena Evans from Days of Our Lives..) 5)Mighty Isis 6)Bugaloos