Dear So and So…Braid, Birds and BoobTube Edition

Dear So and So...
Dear Katniss Everdeen Diagonal Braid;

Wow!  You’ve just made my life easier!  Thank you for inspiring my daughter to actually let me brush her hair without a major freak out attack.  My Cat~niss has been wearing French braids, Dutch braids and Fishbone braids for days now all thanks to you.  Cat no longer runs and hides at the sight of a comb and brush.  She actually welcomes them with open arms.  Hopefully, my dear Katniss Braid, you can convince your friend, Irish Dance Curly Wig to do the same.  Maybe you can bring Curly Wig for a play-date soon?  That would be awesome!


Dear St. Patrick’s Day Parade Mini Hat;


We did it!  We fooled EVERYONE at the parade! HAHA!  No one ever guessed that you were a glittery black soda can cozy and some sequin scrap!  And, by the luck of the Irish, you stayed firmly on Miss Cat’s head throughout the entire parade with winds in excess of 100 mph!  (ok…so maybe a few gusts of 20 mph winds, but it felt like 100 mph…)


I’m so wearing you in next year’s parade,


Dear Ginormous Peregrine Falcons That Are Hanging Out In My Tree…

I appreciate your beauty and am in awe of your mighty talons that I know can rip my scalp off (or possibly carry off my daughter to unknown lands)…However, must you hiss at our family every time we pass under the tree?  Is it really necessary to swoop and screech at us every time we walk through our courtyard?  I realize we look like a tasty bunch and you are trying to figure out which delicious morsel you want to rip apart first.  That being said, your bird bullying needs to stop, or I will introduce you to our friends at the Game and Fish Department.  They will gladly remove you from our lovely home. (or you may remember those wacky bobcats that like to hang out on our roof?  They owe us a favor…just sayin….)


Holding Out the Olive Branch,

Dear Pinterest;


I LOVE YOU…enough said.




Dear Once Upon a Time, The River, Dance Moms and Big Bang Theory;



Thank you for bringing me back to the boob-tube. It no longer sits in the family room sad and lonely…begging for attention.  Thanks to you, I actually know what day of the week it is now.  (and how can anyone resist Mr. Gold???)


Nice to see you again, my friendly boob-tube…






Have a wonderful weekend, folks!  


ps…Cat’s parade photo was taken by Mike Stirrat.  Thanks, Mike!



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Dear So and So…Good Clean Fun Edition…

So I’m a bit early (like 4 days early) on the “Dear So and So…” post…The story of my life…I’m either too early or too late…sigh….

Dear So and So...


Join the fun brought to you by the fabulous Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow!

Dear Children Who Live in My House… 

Cat…While I realize that Polly Pocket and her friends love hanging out in your room with Draculaura and her pals, I don’t think they enjoy being trampled on by giants…especially female giants with hormone issues. Seriously, they might end up maimed or as amputees if they’re not careful.  Teen Caveboy…guitar picks are not like rose petals to be scattered across the floor in some sweet gesture of love…PICK UP YOUR STUFF, OFFSPRING or it may turn up missing…just sayin’….

With all my love,

Mommy


Dear Booty and Behind…

Just a note of thanks for finally sitting down after ruining the Tegan and Sara portion of the Paramore concert for us.  (I was standing behind you, Colossal Ginormous Dude when I took this photo…)  Booty, we were really impressed by your drunk girl dance moves.  Wow…American Bandstand would’ve loved you back in the day.  At least Behind had the good sense to just shift from side to side without tossing his alcoholic beverage all over the place. 

Hope to never see you at another concert..EVER…

p.s. Booty, thanks for being a shining example of what Teen Caveboy better NEVER bring home to meet Mama…

Dear Antique Baby Grand Piano…aka “Emma”…

Welcome to our home! Thanks for not going home with that creepy guy and saving yourself for Chilly.  He’s been on the prowl for you for years.  I realize you need a HUGE makeover (believe me…I can relate…), but I know in time you will be restored to your greatness.  (I’ve got word into Oprah that I need a makeover too…I’ll throw in a good word for you…)  I hope you love the name that Cat and Connor bestowed upon you.  Thank you, Chilly for giving me such a lovely and most cherished gift!  

Can’t Wait to Tinkle Your Ivories…(uh…I mean Emma’s keys, Chilly…don’t get excited…)

Wishing you a fabulous Tuesday!  


XoXo!

Dear So and So…Untitled Edition (aka I’m Lazy)

Dear So and So...
Welcome to another fine edition of Dear So and So…Spill your guts to the interwebs…Join the fun brought to you by the most amazing Kat at 3 Bedroom Bungalow!

Dear Shelly…(sniffle sniffle…plop plop…tears streaming down my face)

I’m so sad that you are moving.  How will I ever learn the diabolical secrets of torturing loved ones?  Clearly, you are the master…I bow to you as I weep over your departure….Your achievements are worthy of an entire blogpost…some day, my sweet friend…some day…


Crying a River of Tears…






ps…you totally remind me of Cousin Serena in that picture….you are so ornery…




Dear Yesterday…

Thank you for being so cloudy and rainy…It forced me to be completely useless and lazy.  I forgot how much fun just laying around doing nothing can be!  Let’s do it again soon…how about….today?

I love doing nothing…


ps…Chilly, don’t freak out…my nothing to do list includes washing your big boy panties and shirts…but you are on your own for dinner….mwahahahaha…..


Dear Ridiculously Cute Owlets
I want you…I need you…I must have you perched around my house…Fly on over here…NOW….

Hoping to see you soon…

Dear Secret Menu at In and Out Burger….

Why do you have to be a secret?  My wee girl could’ve been chowing down at I/O Burger for months if you weren’t hiding out in plain sight on www.in-n-out.com/.  Come on, just hang yourself up in the restaurant and make it easy for us old moms with picky eaters.

Glad I Discovered the Secret…(ok…busted…Thank you, Shelly for telling me the secret…),

Dear Blogger Post Writer Box…

Why must you be so freakin’ difficult lately?  Can’t you just post my junk as it appears when I write it in the box?  Why do you have to add all of this weird spacing and make it look all jacked up?  Why are you making my letters XL when I’m not telling you to do so!?  I do know how to write a bit of code and you are still messing with me!  You are ruining my day…grrrr…..

Understanding Why People Are Jumping Ship to WordPress…

Have a fabulous weekend!!!

Dear So and So…Alphabet Soup

Dear So and So...
   Dear So and So is brought to the blogosphere by the very sweet 
Kat over at 3 Bedroom Bungalow!  



Dear Alphabet and Numbers,

I adore you.  In fact, Alphabet, I use your lovely letters all over my home…like this…



I delight in hanging words all over my walls or just a single letter here and there!  No worries, Numbers!  I love you just as much!  I get so excited when I find treasures with you so smartly adorning them.


But…I simply swoon when I find you all mixed up with each other…the way you are with the shower curtain in the kids bathroom!  Ahhh…my heart goes pitter patter….
                                            
Who cares if Teen Caveboy thinks it looks like someone threw up alphabet soup all over his bathroom?  I love you and you are staying!

Your adoring fan…

Dear Adorable Princesses…

You rocked the castle yesterday with your fancy ball gowns and giggle fits. The fairies were so happy that you enjoyed their Tiny Treasures Scavenger Hunt that they’ve decided to have a Black Cat Scavenger Hunt for you on Halloween! 



Thank you for gracing us with your witty charm, my fair ladies!


XoXo,


Your Royal Subject, 
 

Dear Monster High Dolls…


First of all, I can’t believe your parents let you go to school dressed this way.  Also, you may want to fill in your creator (aka Mattel) that some of you require limb salvage immediately upon coming to stay at your new homes.  There’s nothing like the screech of a 7 year old girl who’s doll has lost her hand…or entire arm. (and you don’t want to be within a 50 mile radius if a shoe turns up missing…it’s like the sound of a nuclear blast…)  I realize that you are Monsters, but I can’t imagine that you really want to terrorize the youngsters who lovingly play with you, right?  I appreciate that my darling daughter has played for hours on end with you and sings your annoying cute little ditty she heard on your website all day long.  How about working at keeping yourselves together (literally) so that my hearing won’t be further damaged by the banshee~like screaming of my daughter.  Sound good?  


Willing to let you live here if you stop losing limbs….

Dear Pillsbury Sweet Moments Brownies…


All I can say is YUM…15 seconds in the microwave and my mouth is in brownie heaven…You are a PMS sufferer’s dream come true…


With all my love,

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!


XOXO

Dear So and So…Cheesecake, Childcare and Chumps Edition


Dear So and So...
Welcome to another fine edition of Dear So and So…
brought to you by the lovely Kat over at 3 Bedroom Bungalow! And off we go!


Dear Teen Caveboy,

Let’s review the “quality of childcare assessment”  your darling little sister handed to me yesterday detailing the incidents that occurred while in your care…(her words are in bold.)…

Bad (apparently there was a doll~napping for ransom…)

Not Good  (hint…knocking on her door and running away is just goofy…especially after the 400th time…)

Very Bad (for bothering her while she was enjoying some Polly Pocket cruise time and a movie…)

Annoying (I know…it’s just who you are…)

Sometimes Funny  (well now…here’s a spot of sunshine…)

Here are some helpful hints for today’s adventure in sister~sitting….

*There will be no doll~napping…(unless of course, she actually pays the ransom, then I’ll take a 50% cut…)

*Keep in mind that there will come a day when she will spy on you and your girlfriends….if you want her to keep that info out of my hands, then BE NICE!

*Funny is good…it makes her happy…however, I’m talking funny ~ha/ha…not gross toilet humor funny…(although I realize she can give you a run for your money on that end…)

And…here’s a little inspiration for you to improve your job performance…Your sister has her eye on this object that lives in your room…

Your precious Les Paul Prophecy guitar…
It may meet up with an “accident” and end up in this…..
.

She is that diabolical…Trust me…you gotta watch your back around a seven year old who’s been wronged!  Just sayin’….

Good Luck!  You’re going to need it…

xoxo

Mommy Dearest

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Dear People Who Park in the Handicap Spots that Really Don’t Need Them (and the people who rudely yell at me when I do…)

Look, I realize when you see me hopping out of my snazzy sports car with boundless energy, you might be inclined to think…”HA! She’s faking a handicap!”  What you aren’t seeing (no doubt because of my blinding beauty) is the decrepit human meat sack crawling out the passenger side of the car.  (yep, that would be Chilly…just joshin’ about the whole meat sack thing…I just like the way it sounds..I know…I’ve watched way too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer this summer…)  

And BOO TO YOU for those who’ve actually had the audacity to try and put me in my place in the parking lot thinking that I’m trying to steal the spot from a deserving handicapped person.  Again, refer to meat sack crawling from the passenger side….

When you park in a handi~spot and you really aren’t in need of it, it creates all sorts of issues for the party that does need it.  Poor Chilly has nearly suffered heart failure from his trekking across a parking lot in the hellish heat of the desert. It’s a cryin’ shame….


Thanks for not parking there anymore…(and for cutting me slack when I do…with Meat Sack in the car, of course…),

Sincerely,

The Lady Who Will Kick You in the Shins and Run…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Delicious Red Velvet Cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory,

My son enjoyed you so much last week that he has requested you for his birthday!  Isn’t that fabulous?  Especially since I’m loving the whole $8.00 per slice thingy…yeah…riiiight….not so much….

While I understand that $50 for an entire cheesecake may seem like pennies on the dollar to a true epicurean, I must stand my ground and say no to your delectable temptations.  It’s going to be hard and it may actually reduce my normally strong as a rock teenager to sobbing.  But for my wallet’s sake, I must turn away from your whispers of “come and get me” and “don’t you love your son?”  I must be strong and step away from the cheesecake….

I will always love your yummy delicious~ness,

Your (very hungry and cheesecake craving ) Admirer

ps…(I’ll be there around 6:00 pm on Aug 10 to pick you up….shhhh….I’ll be in disguise to hide my shame….)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have a wonderful weekend!

Love,

Dear So and So…Love Songs and Criminal Minds…..

Dear So and So...



Dear Michael Buble,



I love you…really, really love you.  Please feel free to come and sing for me any time you are in Arizona.  I was feelin’ sad this morning about Chilly and then I saw you singing this song….





I started tapping my toes, then I started be-bopping my head and shoulders, then I got up and danced around the family room.  At first, my kids looked at me like I was a complete nutcase, but then Cat joined me in my happy dance. Thanks for making us smile…


You are the best!


XoXo  

ps…You were hilarious on Saturday Night Live….LoVed your Hamm and Buble skit!  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear C. Thomas Howell… 


You were BRILLIANT as The Reaper on Criminal Minds (the best show on tv).  ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!  I was completely riveted during the 100th episode.  I went through a rollercoaster of emotions watching that episode.  It was the best acting I’ve seen in years.  You terrified me!  I actually had nightmares about that episode!  Hope to see more of your fine talent in the future!


You rock!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Lady Who Threw Up All Over the Drive Thru Screen in Front of Me at McDonalds This Morning…

Thanks for ruining my coffee stop.  You suck.  I get that you were drunk off your “a-word” feeling ill…but seriously….projectile puking all over the drive thru screen is really not cool.  Maybe next time, try opening your door and pointing your sick face to the ground.  I wasn’t “lovin’ it” at McD’s this morning all because of you.


Really Mad At You…


ps..you’re lucky Michael Buble turned my frown upside down….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear White Christmas/Birthday/Valentine’s Day Tree..


I realize you are probably feeling a bit out of your comfort zone.  Let’s just throw caution to the wind and see what fun we can have with you for a while!  Maybe we can do something fun for Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day and more!  I promise I won’t cover you in footballs for Superbowl Sunday. I may dress you like a pirate for National Talk Like a Pirate Day though….just sayin’…


Thanks for understanding…




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have a fabulous weekend, ya’ll!

Dear So and So…Happy New Year Edition (I’m officially One today!!)


Dear So and So...
(I know I’m a day early for Dear So and So…oopsy!)


Dear Blog,


Happy 1st Birthday! You are growing up so fast! It seems like only yesterday I was changing around your headers and sidebars…feeding you with lots of words and pictures to help you grow.  I realize I have been sort of a latch~key Momma lately.  I promise going forward into the new year that I will take better care of you!  I will spend more time nurturing you and a new makeover is coming!   I also promise more play~dates with old bloggy pals and we’ll make some new ones too!


With Much Love,
Momma Bee


Dear New Toothbrush Holder,



You are simply freakin’ cool. I know my family thinks you are weird, but I love you.  I know you are for holding toothbrushes and toothpaste, but I think I’ll hang some jewelry on you instead.


Thanks for the giggles,





Dear Teen Caveboy,
Thank you for giving me your old iPod when Santa brought your new one. I loved that you wrapped it too! You are awesome! I am happy to be the recipient of any of your “old school” techie gadgets…I can’t wait to see what Mother’s Day brings! (hint hint…how about moving your sweet flat screen TV to my office?) Yeah, I know…that’s just Mommy crazy talking again:)


Love,


p.s. For the family members who asked for a photo of Teen Caveboy’s room re~do…His flat screen now sits where his Christmas tree is in the photo…Will take more photos later….


Dear Stupid Blog Comment Spammers…



REALLY???  Stop with the stupid Viagra and Cialis comment spam already!  Obviously, you don’t read my blog or you would know that I do NOT have a penis so therefore would not have use of those medications…and why is it that you keep spamming the same post (Marshmallow World?)  Sounds like you might be describing your own “you know whatsy”….just sayin’….


Sick and Tired of Rejecting Your Comments,
Frustrated BEE


Dear New Year (2010),

I welcome you with open arms!  I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us!  We would love a year of happy~happy / joy~joy at the Smith house in 2010!  Please feel free to keep away all illnesses, hospital visits, financial ruin, etc.  (Oh, and go put some clothes on…it’s too cold to be running around in a diaper and top hat…)


Thanks for your very kind understanding,

Dear Fellow Citizens of Blogland,

I LOVE YOU!  I am truly and deeply grateful for your unfailing support over this past year!  You stuck with me through my computer crashing, my challenges with Chilly and his health….you are all simply the BEST!


Wishing all of you a very prosperous and joyous New Year!


With Much Love and Gratitude,

Dear So and So…Right Down Santa Claus Lane

Dear So and So...

Happy Monday!

I will be bending the rules a bit and post my Friday’s “Dear So and So” post today!  “Dear So and So” is brought to you by the lovely Kat over at 3 Bedroom Bungalow!

Let us begin…

Dear Zombie Who Showed Up at Cat’s Gingerbread Cottage Last Night….

I can appreciate that you are “undead” and may still enjoy some holiday cheer. However, you may find that a six year old girl, who’s gingerbread cottage has been defiled by the likes of you, can be a very dangerous enemy. It’s probably best to drag your half eaten limbs and exposed brain off to the mall or some other favorite zombie haunt.  Seriously, you don’t want to mess with Irish Dancer Girl.  She has moves that can put even the most fearsome zombie to shame. Last year, we had a monster with weird shoes show up and this is what happened….

That’s right…a monster homicide…Irish Dancer Girl was busted in the back yard with a shovel and a fresh pile of dirt…you better watch out, Zombie….


Wishing You “Season’s Eatings”,

p.s. Zombie, don’t think I don’t know who you are working for…this has Teen Caveboy’s prints all over it…Your hint for L4D2 is noted, Teen Caveboy.

Dear Cheeseballs, Chex Party Mix and Other Assorted Christmas Yummies,

I will miss you terribly this year since my mom will be in Ohio for the holidays and will not be slaving away in the kitchen to make you for my eating pleasure. Oh, I know…she gave me that fantastic binder with all of your delectable recipes in it so that I can make them myself….but it just isn’t the same without my Mommy’s love.


Hoping that Mom Reads This and Feels Horribly Guilty,

Dear Friends and Family in Blogland…


Your loving support, emails and awesome comments have really kept my family’s spirits up.  I am so blessed to have you all in my life (cyber or otherwise!)  I promise to be visiting you all more often now that things are slowing down. You have truly changed my world, and I am forever grateful! 


With Much Love and Gratitude,

Dear So and So…It’s a Marshmallow World



Dear So and So...
Oh, Dear So and So…I have missed you! I realize I’m getting this in late, but we’ve been busy around these parts today! “Dear So and So…” is presented by the fabulous Kat, over at “3 Bedroom Bungalow!” Here we go….







Dear Toasted (aka Burnt) Marshmallows,

Your crispy, burnt exterior and warm, gooey goodness kept calling to me in the night. I desired you so much last night that in my sheer desperation for you, I slapped a Jet Puff marshmallow on a fork and lit it up with my long handled candle lighter while hiding out in the kitchen. What are you doing to me, marshmallow???? I craved marshmallow cream and toasted marshmallow jelly bellys all day long! Alas, you are bad for me, my fluffy friend….so I must say good~bye for now…

I will miss you,





Dear Target,

Apparently, your hand sanitizer smells like cheap hooker perfume. Normally, I’m not a fan of the hand sanitizer, but with the multiple visits to the hospital with Chilly, I’ve decided to break my hand sanitizing ban to protect us against more flu. The minute I slathered it on, a lovely gentleman in the waiting room piped up, “who smells like the French w***e (rhymes with door) in here?” Niiiice….. The first time I used it, I actually thought my husband had visited a brothel…I kept grabbing his shirt and smelling him (and my sanitized scented hand) and was wondering what Chilly was really up to when I wasn’t around! Poor Chilly! Fragrance free would save a lot of marriages, Target!



Just sayin,


p.s. What did you decide about the a$$ gaskets? I mean, really…you are one of the largest retailers in the world and you can’t provide your customers with a$$ gaskets in the restrooms??? Whaddya’ say?



Dear Sexiest Male Accent in the World,

When I heard that you won this contest, I was giddy with excitement! I knew you would win! There’s no accent better than you! I swoon every time I hear you float out of some hottie Irishman’s mouth! (Don’t worry Chilly…I ordered some Instant Irish Accent Mouth Spray for you….I know…how nice of me!)



Blushing,



Dear Irish Dancer Girl,

Wishing you lots of luck with your Irish dance performance at the Celtic Festival on Saturday! You are a “reel” princess, my darling girl!

With Love,

Have a wonderful weekend, fellow Blog~Land~ians!

XoXo!



Dear So and So….And I Shouted Out With Glee


Dear So and So...
TGIF! It’s another exciting edition of “Dear So and So…” presented by the fabulous Kat, over at “3 Bedroom Bungalow!” Let’s rock this bloggy!



Dear Glee,

I LOVE you! You make me laugh and feel the warm fuzzies! My Wednesday nights are so much brighter because of you. My TV says thank you because it thought I’d forgotten it existed. I love watching the “Gleeks” sing their hearts out! Glee, you’re the best!

Your Biggest Fan,


Dear Halloween,


I’ve decked the halls with ghoulish decor over the last few days because I want to squeeze every bit of wicked goodness out of you this year! I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of this little goodie…..the Broomba…

(This life~size broom is motion activated and will move, twirl and cackle across your haunted home all by itself!)

I am also loving caramel apple cider, pumpkin spice lattes, and other pumpkin treats too! Oh, All Hallow’s Eve, I simply adore you and all of your autumnal splendor!

So Excited to Celebrate Autumn,

Dear People Who Talk to Chilly When We’re Out,

Just thought I’d give you the 4~1~1 that you can talk in your normal tone of voice to him even though he’s in a wheelchair. You don’t have to raise your voice for him to hear you. He’s not deaf. The wheelchair doesn’t take away his ability to hear you. Also, he is 41 years old…not 4. He enjoys adult conversation. You are just making yourselves look like complete idiots when you talk to him like he’s a hard of hearing little boy.

Please learn some manners,

Dear Exhaustion,

GO AWAY…I don’t have time for you….

zzzzzzzz………….

Have a fabulous weekend! May it be filled with lots of Autumn beauty!