A Wee Drop of Irish (or Cloudy With a Chance of B*tchy Part 2)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
How about a wee stroll down memory lane?  Thank you to everyone who messaged me about sharing this blast from the past again this year:)  (yes, Maureen…I do read your emails too!)  Even though it was originally posted in 2009, not too much has changed (says Dawn in her “I can’t believe I have PMS every single year at this same time”  happy (think Pharrell singing “Happy”) voice.  So grab a cup of Irish coffee, Jameson whiskey, Guinness or whatever suits your fancy on this fine St. Patrick’s Day and let me share a tale of whimsy with you.  (and may the luck of the Irish be with you if you come my way today!  Don’t say I didn’t warn you!)   

Oops! What’s she doing here again? Wasn’t she just here a month ago? UGH! The nerve! We had so much “fun” last time she was here, didn’t we? 

Well, since I have a full day of Irish activities planned, I guess I better be gettin’ my Irish on….hmm…let’s see…maybe I’ll go drink some breakfast.

(That’s right, Mr. Bailey’s Irish Cream Cup…It is delicious!)  And while we’re at it, a traditional Irish breakfast sounds just lovely!  (what?? Chocolate cupcakes with green frosting isn’t Irish enough for you???  Did you see the duck at the top of this post???)

Ok! Time to get dressed for the day! (she says, wiping crumbs and frosting from her mouth)  What? Not appropriate attire for a mom?

Don’t get your shamrocks in a wad…I’ll probably really wear my yoga pants with this top….(Kim, I know you want one of these…)

Now that we’re dressed, we can freshen up a bit with our mouth spray just for this occasion!  

Ok family & friends..I know what you’re thinking right now…(for good reason!)

I guess ya’ll are lucky it’s Irish day and I may have a few quiet moments (unless that mouth spray really kicks in good…)

Time to get the kids and head out for some Irish fun activities that I don’t feel like doing because all I want to do is eat chocolate and watch rom-com chick flicks   (….not my fault…again, please refer to duck at the top of the post..)

(Is it hot in here?…cause I’m thinking it’s really hot in here…can someone turn on the *$%#! air conditioner?!)

(especially this one…)

Oh…sorry…hormones got carried away there for a second.  Oopsy!! …what I really mean is this…

A gorgeous British fellow stole my heart, you know…sorry Bono, gotta say good-bye this St. Patty’s Day…my heart belongs to my British guy:)  (insert bluebirds of happiness, romantic music and fluttering hearts here please)

Time to pack a lunch since we’ll be travelin’ to Irish dance performances and there’s no time to drink eat before we leave!

(Don’t worry….Nana’s driving…)

Oh! Can’t forget my gum! You know me…I stress chew when that stupid duck up there comes to visit…

Well, that’s about it! We are off for the last of our Irish dance performances! March Madness is coming to an end!  Let’s do a jig to celebrate!

Here’s a little St. Patty’s day sentiment from me to you…

Myspace Graphics

And from the bottom of my wee drop of Irish heart, I really mean that!  According to my dear Irish friend Pam, a “wee drop is all ya’ need!” Here’s to you, Pam! Happy St. Pats!

Have a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day!

p.s. No, family members, I have not taken up drinking as a new hobby. (Family members know I don’t drink…well, not very often anyway…hee hee hee..) Just having a little fun on St. Patty’s Day…cause that dumb duck is about to ruin my next week….which may actually force me into taking up drinking…who the heck knows? Quite frankly, I’m surprised I haven’t become a super lush after the week I’ve had! Love you all!

The Tragic Tale of the Irish Dancer & Her Incontinent Mother

March Madness has officially descended up on our world as we are just days away from St. Patrick’s Day.  Irish Dancer Girl will be shamrockin’ all over the city of Tucson (Irish Dance style) for the next week to spread leprechaun love amongst the citizens.  While going over the performance list this morning, my mind wandered back to a time in the not so distant past where my sweet girl gave me a lovely surprise just before her very first St. Patrick’s Day March Madness performance.  Thought it would be fun to take a stroll down memory lane with ya’ll and give you some giggles.  Sit a spell while I weave a tragic tale of the six year old Irish dancer and her incontinent mother.

One fine March day in 2009, Cat and I began our school morning cutting out shapes and chatting it up like two old ladies at bingo night. I had to (ahem) “use the little ladies room” for the 400th time in 20 minutes, and in the interest of safety, (because I’m one of those annoying over-protective “old” moms) I made Cat come with me…again. She hung out in her room across the hall until I had completed “my mission.” (Sorry, I’m trying to be delicate about this!) I complete “said mission” quickly (less than 3 minutes tops) and start across the hall to get Cat and resume our schoolwork. Her back is to me and she quickly calls out, “Don’t look in here, Mama! I have a surprise for you!” I sing out, “Yay, I love your surprises!” “Close your eyes!” she calls out excitedly!

After a few minutes, Cat meets me in the hall with her surprise. And yeah, to call it a surprise would be a mild understatement. My daughter is sporting some awesome Mia Farrow Frankenbangs! Did you catch that? Frankenbangs…Mia Farrow style…. This is Mia Farrow…
This is me upon seeing her “surprise.”

Typically, her surprises involve artistic drawings of me, maybe a tea party, or her wearing some shiny lipgloss, hooker style…not freshly cut Frankenbangs! 

Once I recovered from my shock and horror, (and made sure she still had her eyeballs,) I smiled and said “Wow! Look at you!” I clapped my hands (so I wouldn’t strangle myself) and grinned (while trying not to yank out my own hair)
, “How in the world did you manage that?” She holds up the blunt tip scissors we had been using earlier…the scissors that should still be in the classroom…the reason I made Cat come with me in the first place.

“I snuck the scissors with me!” She is so stinkin’ proud of herself. “I know you’re really busy and I wanted to help you so I cut my bangs!” Oh…now I remember…I had casually mentioned during breakfast that I needed to trim her bangs that afternoon so they would be out of her eyes for her dance performances the following day and this weekend.

Oh, did I forget to mention that my daughter has 4 IRISH DANCE PERFORMANCES OVER THE NEXT 6 DAYS ALONE!!!!! (sorry for the hysteria….) How the heck am I going to fix this little “franken-bump” in the road!!!!???

She must have watched me fast track it to the crazy train because her eyes started to fill with tears and her chin began quivering. “I’m sorry, Mama. I just wanted to surprise you.” Aw heck! How can I be upset with that? Her intention was clearly to “help a sister out.” She knew I was overwhelmed and wanted to ease my load. It was actually an act of kindness. I scooped her up and gave her a huge hug. “I love your bangs!” I smothered her with smoochies. ( I also did the whole “no scissors on your own hair, or anyone else’s hair either” lecture.)

What to do?  I didn’t have any “Grow” potion like Alice in Wonderland, and Edward Scissorhands wasn’t in the neighborhood for a fast fix. I spent the rest of my day (and I mean, the ENTIRE day) searching the city of Tucson for black and white headbands to fit her small head, and tiny bobby pins so Irish dancer girl could rock a new look at her performances.  Let me show what we were dealing with here…

BEFORE “do it yourself” bangs makeover….

AFTER…sporting her new look…

PERFORMANCE LOOK after “the makeover”

Yep, it’s a bit “pageant” hair in it’s look and her forehead looks like a watermelon, but she’s still adorable!  Oh, those were the days!  My wee dancer girl now looks like this…

Fortunately, she has steered clear of the scissors and lets a professional manage her hairstyle these days.  Now, I used to be one of those mom’s that would read something like this and think, “What the heck is wrong with that person! That would never happen in my house! Hmpf!”  Well, let me tell you, people, it DID happen and I’ve been forever humbled by the experience! I am no longer a Judgmental Janie! No way, no how!

I have decided to honor this occasion with an award…that I created myself…because I was a complete idiot  (Hugh, I know you are truly appreciating this…)

The Hall of Shame Parenting Award goes to……..Dawn, for her shameful parenting skills, her inability to keep track of a pair of blunt tip scissors, and for her lack of bladder control for more than 5 minutes at a time. You are the winner, Dawn! Congratulations on your award!

I am even going to create another award here! The Snip-Snip, Oopsy! Clip Award!  This is awarded for haircuts gone bad, self inflicted bang trauma, etc.  I graciously accept this one too. 

The above hack job was committed on this doll by yours truly when I was young and innocent. Sorry, Mom! At least I didn’t cut my sister’s hair!

Now…I need some moral support here. It would really give me a lift if you can share a really good hair hacking story with me. Or even a really embarrassing parenting moment! That would work too! I’ll take anything…I’m desperate to see I’m not the only fool in town!

Fingers crossed that March Madness this year will be filled with Irish fun and no horrible hair trauma.  (at least until it’s time to put on the curly wig…don’t even get me started…that’s a horror story in itself…Irish dance moms will totally feel the pain of that one…)  Hope you can get out to enjoy the Irish fun in your neighborhood!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!


Old Moms Open a Can of Whoop A** at the Park

Hi…I know you may be a bit frightened by the title of this post.  Not to worry!  While I can put my “bad-a$$” panties on for certain occasions, most of the time I’m a pretty docile creature:)  However, there is a skeleton in my closet that a friend of mine reminded me about recently and insisted that I share it with the world…more specifically, the old moms of the world.   Now when I say old, I mean old like me…(I was turning 43 at the time)…not elderly…although since hitting my 40’s, I feel elderly when I get up in the morning, but that’s another post!  It happened a few years back when I ran into a close friend who had recently turned 39.  Looking back, it is actually pretty funny!  So let’s get cozy and ready for my ramble…or maybe I should say rumble (wink!)

My friend and I took our kids out to a local park one fine fall day. We were dressed in typical “old” mom attire…jeans, cute t-shirts, banana clips and shades. (Yes, I wear my Marcia Brady stick straight hair in a banana clip on outings to the park. I don’t enjoy eating my hair every time I open my mouth to speak when the wind blows, so banana clip it is.)

There was a “young” mom (mid 20’s) with her kids that found her way over to us. She sat down and began to chat. There was another group of moms across the way at some picnic tables setting up for a party. My friend and I knew the other group of moms and had said our hellos upon arriving at the park. Young Mom was not familiar with them. Young Mom pipes up in her squeaky Valley Girl voice, “Don’cha just hate to see old moms with really young kids? I mean, like, do they think kids are the new fountain of youth or something? Look at those ladies over there! I mean, all the kids here are under 5! Unless maybe it’s Grandparent’s Day!” She laughs hysterically.  Now, I happen to know that every one of those mothers over there is at least 10 years younger than me. Yes, Young Mom was fooled by my fabulous genes. I win the age game at every carnival or amusement park we go to. My husband loved to outwit the carnies whenever possible. The funny thing is that Smitty was 3 years younger than me (go ahead…call me a cougar or a cradle robber, take your pick), but once a waitress asked him if he had his Senior Citizen discount card! LOL!

Young Mom continues her old mom bashing. “Why would any kid want an old wrinkled hag for a mom? Old moms are so annoying with their know-it-all attitudes and their really bad fashion.” (Wow…obviously, she can’t hear my brain exploding or at least smell the smoke from the fire of my brain exploding over here..bad fashion?? Seriously?  I worked really hard to pull out just the right t-shirt to hide all food stains that I might incur while I was gracing the public with my presence.  Bad fashion…humpf!)

I am not a happy camper. I am silently observing Young Mom trying to determine my next move. Do I want to let her in on my little secret or do I just want to see how far she’ll go before I go ninja on her perfectly coiffed little head in the parking lot. (oops…did I type that out loud?) (and yeah, she was NOT wearing a banana clip…now who’s got bad fashion?  Yep, Young Mom, that’s who…)

My friend, who knows what lengths I will go to in order to protect the innocent, is watching me carefully. She pipes up, “How about we get the kids and hit the walk trail?” She raises her eyebrows at me. I nod and gather up the wee girl and the stroller.  Young Mom says, “That sounds good! That’s a good energy boost! At least we don’t have to figure out how to push a stroller while shuffling along with our walker too! Snorty snort snort!”

Now. It’s. On. I can no longer hide the fact that I’m wearing my bad-a$$ panties today.  “Why do you have such a negative attitude about older mothers?” I ask gritting my teeth into a very fake smile. She smirks, “They’re just irritating. They always have their stupid first aid kits in a baggy, juice boxes strapped to their hips. I just think they over do it.” Steam is pouring out of my ears. The juice boxes on my hips are beginning to vibrate. She’s about to find out how lucky she is that I happen to have my first aid kit in a baggy handy because I’ll be using it to mop up her blood about 30 seconds after I sock her in the mouth!

My adorable and very peace loving friend goes to gather up the young’uns. She’s been at this rodeo before and knows the bull is on the loose. Young Mom laughs and points at one of my “old” mom friends as she is struggling with some of the party decor. “See what I mean?”  She continues to laugh and point.  I whirl around to unleash my fury when Young Mom in her fit of laughter trips, falls and busts her lip on the sidewalk. She starts bawling like a big old baby. She touches her lip and finds it’s very bloody. “My foof is foose!” she cries. “Oh frap! My foof is fawing out!” What a pitiful creature she is, that Young Mom. “Here, let me help you.” I reach down and yank her to her feet. “Ouf!” she huffs. “Fat huwt!” Her lips are the size of Cincinnati. I really want to crack a collagen joke at this point, but bite my own lips instead.

I reach into my bag and whip out some handi wipes. (ok..I know these are going to burn her lips like fire, but it’s all I have and Karma is a b*tch!) I help her dab the loose pebbles and blood away from her mouth. My friend jogs over with an unopened bottle of water to help wash away the rest. We get her patched up and feeling better. She realizes something is weird. I notice her checking out my First Aid in a Baggy. She humbly thanks us and goes to gather her kiddos. My friend asks me if I shared my secret with her. I shook my head. “I didn’t have a chance because she did a face plant before I could say anything.” We laughed. “Those crazy young moms!” my friend giggles. We notice that Young Mom is heading back from the parking lot toward us. Oh yuck…

“Just wanted to say thanks for helping me. That was so embarrassing!” She flutters her hands all around. We just smile at her and move on. One of my other friends from the party yells over to me, “Happy Birthday, Dawn!” I smile and wave. Young Mom says, “Oh, it’s your birthday?” I nod. “It’s actually next week.” We continue shuffling the kids toward the car. “That’s so cool! How old are you going to be?” she says with her big busted lip smile. I stop and turn toward her. “I will be 43.” The look on her face was all the justice I needed. She just turned and walked away with her head down. “That’s right! I’m an OLD MOM!!!!” I yelled after her. “Bet you’re glad this old mom had her first aid in a baggy, aren’t ya!” (Juvenile, I completely agree, not even remotely one of my best parenting moments, but darn it, it sure did feel good!) My friend (who is normally very shy and not verbally aggressive on any level) yells out, “Yeah, old moms kick butt! Don’t you ever forget it!” We high-fived and laughed like hyenas all the way to our mini-vans.  Last we heard, Young Mom was still struggling to get her stroller into her BMW.

A final note…I have lots of friends that are young moms! Lots of them! They are all fantastic mothers and friends! Please know that I am not bashing young moms with this post. Just sharing a story about a young mom bashing old moms! I love all my young mom friends!!!!

Thanks for listening to my ramble and remember, Old Moms need love too!

Thankful Thursday…Memory Loss Edition

Yesterday, while driving to Irish dance, my mind was zipping through my list of 45 million things to do when all of a sudden, I started thinking about how nice it would be to have a butler ….which then made me think of this guy…(weird, I realize, but my mind is filled with lots of weirdness these days)

Yes, that would be Mr. French….the world’s first tv “manny”. Back in the day he was called a butler, but seriously, he was all “manny.” (Which would you prefer…a manny or a nanny?)

I thought it would be so lovely to be greeted upon arriving home by my butler…”May I assist you with the 25 gazillion items that need to be brought in from the car, Madam?”….”Here are your keys, Madam”…(that alone, would be worth the six figure salary he asked for when I hired him…)….”How about a glass of tea, Madam?” Then he would whip up a fabulous meal while I relaxed with my tea. Sigh…..

Then, being the mind wanderer that I am, I tried to remember the theme song to “Family Affair”. I couldn’t remember it! It drove me nuts for the rest of the day! Friends would talk with me and all the while, my mind is trying to grab at any little memory of that dumb song! I would nod politely and say “uh-huh”, “why, of course”and so on while my friends chatted happily about their summer plans, but inside my mind I was having a complete nervous breakdown because I could not remember that dumb song! It was almost as traumatizing as the time I couldn’t remember that dumb arcade game, Tempest…That worked on me for weeks…I forgot about Google back then…Stupid menopausal brain fade!

So, I did what any old person like me would do when having memory issues…I googled Mr. French (not in a creepy way…tsk tsk…minds out of the gutter, please..) Still nothing….Then I remembered YouTube…and VOILA! There it was! I felt an enormous weight being lifted from my shoulders! (Here’s a link in case you don’t remember it either….) So on this Thankful Thursday, I am thankful for YouTube. YouTube, I love ya….

I am also thankful for Heather aka Mrs. Southern Bride (who is the cutest thing around!) for sharing the Honest Scrap Award with me! I love reading her blog! Pop over and say hello! You’ll adore her too! Thank you, Heather, for sharing this with me!

Since I’ve shared many scraps with you before, I will drop this Honest Scrap bombshell on you today….

I love, love, love the song “Dragula” by Rob Zombie. I drive my kids bananas singing that song…Did that freak you out?…It certainly freaks out my kids!

Also, I have a HUGE crush on this guy…

Swoon….I love Jack…

Have a Happy Thursday!


Friday Fragments: "Come On, Get Happy"

Join the Friday Fragments Fun over at Half Past Kissin’ Time!

(by the way…Google reader users…I hit publish before saving….this is my completed post…the other unfinished post is deleted…yep, I feel like a huge dork! Hopefully you are reading this one!)
Yesterday, on the way to Irish dance class, Cat shouts out this little gem when passing the hospital where Chilly spent lots of time last week….”Look Mom! That’s where Dad went to Asian Care!” (of course, Mr. Perfecto Tween Caveboy has to remind her it’s Urgent Care, trying to rain on my parade of laughter..which only makes me laugh harder…)


I spent the entire night dreaming about the Partridge family. I have no idea why…I must be having some weird 70’s induced flashback brought on by the middle age hot flashes I went through all night long….Hot flashes = seriously irritated Mommy….Back to the Partridge family….LOVED them when I was growing up! David Cassidy was my big crush. I can’t get “Come On, Get Happy” out of my head this morning. Ahhh….those were the days….

I would like to thank Heather for this awesome award….

and Sassypants Wifey for this fabulous award!

Thanks, you two blogilicious girls! I love them! If you haven’t visited these two lovely ladies, please be sure to scoot on over to say hello! You will be glad you did! I am sharing these awards with all of you today! Please feel free to right click and copy! Hooray!

This is for Tween Caveboy….Yes, Tween Caveboy, I do like FRED Figglehorn…I hope that when you’re 14, you will be a gazillionaire like his alter ego, Lucas Cruikshank, so you can take care of me….Favorite Fred episode…the shark in the swimming pool….there..are you happy now, Tween Caveboy?


Do you like my new tramp stamp?

I’m trying to decide which silhouette would work best on my new business cards..
I need some fast cash for next week’s Irish dance competition…Catherine’s very first feis! There are socks to be purchased, a wig and tiara to be worn, and other incidentals. Mama needs some money fast! I will be at “The Candy Store” gentlemen’s club (aka stripper joint) in Tucson strutting my stuff all weekend…(not really, Dad…although I’m close to desperate, I am not ready to “show my business” for cash…yet….sorry Chilly, I know you were getting a wee bit excited for a minute…)


Friday Feng Shui Tip: Stand at the doorway to any room. The back left corner is your wealth corner. Add purple to your wealth corner to increase prosperity! You can use candles, stones, pictures, pillows, even a square of purple paper works!


Cat asked me if we were going to rent the Benjamin Bellybutton movie this weekend……Anyone seen this yet? (actual working title…The Curious Case of Benjamin Button…)


I was watching Tween Caveboy play Sims 2 Pets on XB360 when this popped up while his Sim dude was on his computer…”Your blog has reached 2% popularity. The more you blog, the cooler you become. Cool is fun.” LOL! Blogging is even taking over the Sims world!

Have a fabulous weekend!


Thankful Thursday…Bitchville Edition

I am in a cranky mood this morning…beware….(and it’s not even “that time of the month.”) Hopefully, I can stop this crazy train to Bitchville with my “Thankful Thursday” post. Think I can do it? Hmmm…let’s give it a whirl…

I am thankful for this guy….

He made watching American Idol bearable for me last night. I LOVE David Cook…love to hear him sing and his eye candy-ness (yes, I just made that a word) is suh-weet!

I am thankful for Catherine’s six year old sense of humor…

“Mom, do you want to play “Blend-in” Bridge? (London Bridge)

“Are you guys watching “Pirates of Your Favorite Band” again? (Pirates of the Caribbean..hee hee)

“Bone yard looks full today, huh?” (as we were driving by a cemetery!)

I am thankful for Tween Caveboy’s newfound desire to keep his long shiny locks healthy and clean. I’m also thankful he’s become an amazing Zombie Killer.

(I hate flaming zombies…)

I am thankful for Rae Ann @ Critical Mass for tagging me to share 7 things you may not know about me. (hope you don’t need therapy after this…)

1. Balloons freak me out. I can’t be around them. My kids, however, enjoy using them as instruments of torture on me. (Don’t even try to make a balloon animal around me…I will go postal on you…It won’t be pretty…)

2. I think clowns are a menace to society.

3. I love pumpkins. (this may have something to do with the fact that I grew up in Circleville, OH…home of the world’s largest Pumpkin Festival…)

Baby Boos are my favorites!

(We sell lots of these at Black Crow Boutique! They come in orange too!)

4. Because I live in a rural community, my wireless high speed internet is limited to 5 gb per month. This has put a HUGE damper on my stalking abilities. I cannot even tell you how much grieving I’ve been doing this past week over not being able to visit ya’ll daily. It’s like a knife in my heart…

5. I LOVE Halloween! (I even own a Halloween shop, Black Crow Boutique! I will tell you all about it very soon…some of the giveaway items are from my shop…)

6. I used to play tag in graveyards with my cousins and friends. Creepy, but fun!
7. I love to watch Ghost Hunters with the Tween Caveboy.

If you want this meme, grab it and enjoy!

I am grateful for Debra at Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History & Ashley Amazing for sharing this awesome award with me!

Thank you, ladies! You know I love you! I suck with a capital S at giving out awards, so everyone who reads this today, please share in my love and post this on your blog!

I am grateful for Noah’s Mommy at Project Mommyhood for including me in her 10 Blog Reads! That rocks my socks off!

I am grateful to Misadventurous Mommy and her giveway that I won! Woo Hoo! (very special to me because of Chilly’s heart situation!)

I am grateful to all of you for reading this cranky post of mine!

I hope you will come and visit me on Monday for my 100th post so I can show you how grateful I am!!! (here’s a linky to check out some of the goodies I will be giving away!)

p.s. My frown is now upside down:)

Wordless Wednesday…April Fool

The Man I Married…Chilly

(If you missed the HUGE giveaway list on yesterday’s post, just scroll down to see it! You don’t want to miss it! It really is a MONSTER Giveaway!)

p.s. Now those are some serious man boobs!

Wordless Wednesday at Extraordinary Mothers and 5 Minutes for Mom.
Wordful Wednesday hosted by Angie at 7 Clown Circus!

If It Walks Like a Duck…

I heard voices in my bathroom this morning.

At first, I thought it was the shower zombies. (What? You don’t have shower zombies? Come on…you mean to tell me that you don’t have near empty bottles of shampoo and body wash just waiting to launch a full-on assault on your foot while you are blissfully enjoying your morning shower??)

Upon further investigation, I saw Miss Rubber Duckie Dawn had a guest. They were talking in low voices. I could also see that Miss Rubber Duckie Dawn was sporting a new look. Hmmm….

“I appreciate you coming over on such short notice, Zen Duck. She’s just so edgy lately. She was blessed with some really lovely bloggy awards that she hasn’t posted. How rude of her! And she has won some giveaways that she hasn’t acknowledged. She loves that Eco Baby Shampoo that she won from Kristen at La Dolce Vita. That creepy PMS lady is gone so I really don’t know what her problem is.”

Zen Duck looked at her thoughtfully. “Perhaps she needs reminding of an attitude of gratitude or a nice massage.”

(While I can appreciate constructive criticism, I just can’t get past Zen Duck’s “man” boobs! Freaky!!!)

“Agreed,” said Rubber Duckie Dawn. “I know just the ducks for the job.” She gave a few quacks and along came the reinforcements.

(WHAT?! What are Tween Caveboy Duckie and Miss Kitty Duckie doing here? I didn’t know for sure what was coming next…an intervention or an exorcism, but I knew that I wasn’t sticking around to find out! The nerve of those little quackers!)

I started to leave when I heard Tween Caveboy Duckie formulating a diabolical plan with the shower zombies to teach me a lesson. That does it! I scooped up all the shower zombies and promptly tossed them in the trash. You should have heard them threatening me! Idiots! I’m bigger than they are…they didn’t stand a chance.

The little row of duckies had grown silent. “Fine! I know I’ve been a grump-a-frump lately! I know I need a shower! I know the laundry volcano is going to erupt at any moment!” I sighed and sat down next to the tub. “You’re right, Man Boobs Zen Duck . I need to get my attitude of gratitude on.”

My sweet bloggy friends, please forgive my rudeness!

I am grateful for my very sweet bloggy friend, The Blonde Duck ,

who graciously awarded me with the Triple Award! That is so cool!! Her blog, A Duck in Her Pond, is filled with fabulous stories, recipes and pies…delicious, mouth-watering pies…and you have to meet Queen Bitty and Bear! Thank you, Blonde Duck!

Also, the amazing Amy from The Undomestic Army Wife shared the Kreativ Blog Award with me! Thank you, Amy! She has fantastic decorating ideas over there and she’s a wonderful gal! She also has some great blog layouts for you to use too! Go on over and say hi!

As you know, I am terrible at choosing awardees because I want to share them with all of you! So once again, it’s an award grabbing bonanza! Grab away!!!

And Rae Anne from Critical Mass tagged me for a “7 things you may not know about me” meme. Rae Anne, I promise I will do this soon!! Her blog is a fun fest!

I truly am grateful for all the kind support everyone of you has shared with me and my little bloggy!

Big smoochies and hugs to all of you!!!

p.s. BIG Giveaway announcement coming soon!!!

Can I Elf You?

(Don’t forget to visit Shannon and her Week-end Wordles over at Last Shreds of Sanity!)

Once upon a time this morning, I wandered into the family room in my usual morning stupor. I threw back the curtains to find I had a visitor outside in the form of an elf.

Well, hello there, hottie! He was leaning against the tree holding a scroll. I went to open the door to invite him in.

“What are you doing here?” I purred in my sexy morning voice. (What? Don’t you have one of those?)

He winked at me (swoon) and nodded toward the St. Patty’s Day tree. “What do you think I’m doing here?”

I blushed. “Um…yeah…Is there a problem with the tree, Legolas?” I was feeling all tingly now. He came really close to me. Really close. “For you, my lady.” He handed me the scroll. “I come bearing glad tidings.” He brushed by me and bowed.

Be still my fluttery heart! I looked at the scroll closely. Oh jinkies…I had gotten one of these in mid January. I knew exactly who it was from.

I sighed, unrolled it and began to read.

Dearest Dawn,

While your white Christmas tree looks lovely covered in shamrocks, leprechauns, pots of gold, and the flags of Ireland, don’t you feel that this charade has gone on long enough? (Props to you for taking down the other 4 trees that you had up. At least you had enough sense to take those down in January.)

And even though Catherine was delighted to have it covered with hearts for Valentine’s Day, shouldn’t you just come to terms that you are just too stinkin’ lazy to take down the tree?

I know you’re planning on doing a shabby spring Easter theme on that tree in a few days. I KNOW. It’s time to take down the tree, dear. Put it in that nice tree bag you picked up at Target at 90% off. (Yes, the magic snowglobe shows us everything…)

Now, get along with the tree removal. It won’t be long until July when all the stores will be filled with Christmas décor and you can start all over again!

Mrs. Claus

p.s. Hope you enjoyed the special delivery elf! If you ask him to, he can just snap his fingers and become a naughty pirate for you too!

Mrs. Claus sure knows how to get a girl’s attention.

Well, that’s just fantastic. Another spanking by scroll from the holiday hostess with the most-est.

Doesn’t she understand I am busy blogging? Doesn’t she know that I am horribly behind in my comment lovin’? Can’t she see that I am exhausted this week and can’t come up with a blog post that makes sense? DOESN’T SHE CARE? Mrs. Claus!

I glance at Legolas. He is staring at me with intensity. I feel flush. I plop down on the sofa. Heck, I was just trying to get my money’s worth out of that tree.

“Can’t you conjure up some more of your elf friends to come and help me, Legolas?” I plead batting my lashes at him.

“Alas, I cannot. I can become a pirate for you though, and be your eye candy while you take down the tree.”

Bow-chicka-bow-wow…buh-bye White Christmas St. Patty’s Day Tree…Hello, Eye Candy!

Have a fabulous weekend! I’ve got some eye candy to ogle, me hearties!

p.s. Don’t get your panties in a wad, Chilly. I know how you are about certain female actresses!

Twilight Tendencies and Dark Shadows

I’ve got a confession to make…

In honor of the midnight release of the Twilight dvd, I am going to let the bat out of the coffin and fess up to something you may not know about me.

I love Vampire Chick Lit.

I can already hear some of your brains wrapping around the weirdness of me reading Vampire love stories. It’s true…I love them.

I think the roots of my love began for me in my youth watching this show…

The vampire chick lit marathon started last year at the library. There was this super hottie with shades hiding in the dark recesses of the fiction area. I felt this weird vibe that he wanted to bite me. I tried to get away but he managed to pop up wherever I was headed! Finally, he captured me in the cookbook section (stop snorting, Chilly), tilted my head back, fangs popped out and then…

Ok, so I’m making that up. (hee hee hee) Actually, I was waiting for my kids to choose their books when the library lady plopped down a stack of books to put away. On top of the stack was “UnDead and UnWed” by MaryJanice Davidson. The cover looked cute. (I am a big believer in judging a book by it’s cover.) I grabbed it (and the kids) and off we went. I started reading it that afternoon and was hooked on the story of Betsy Taylor from that moment on. (MaryJanice, in the very tiny chance that you may someday read my little bloggy, I just want to say I love you and WHEN IS THE NEXT UNDEAD BOOK COMING OUT???)

I read all the UnDead books over the summer and then came….Twilight. I was mush from the moment I began it. I read the whole series and couldn’t wait to see the film. I wasn’t able to see it at the theater so imagine how excited I am for midnight to arrive tonight! (I will NOT be in line at midnight! I will pick my copy up tomorrow morning! lol!)

Just recently, my sweet little sister got me hooked on the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris which is now the HBO series “True Blood.” I read every book and want more, Charlaine! Do you hear me? MORE!

So there you have it…I am a “sucker” for vampire chick lit (literature).

And listen Chilly, don’t sit there and judge me…you know you love the old re-runs of “The Kindred.” (Does anyone remember the names of the Vampire groups from this series?)

While we are on the subject of vampires, I have noticed that Catherine (my 6 yr old daughter) does have some very vampiric tendencies…..hmmm…

For instance, vampires are very beautiful creatures that like to dress elegantly and can sneak up on you very quietly. (that does sound like her…)

They also like to use Jedi mind tricks to convince you to do their bidding…(see how creepy this is getting?????)

They have superhuman strength (oh no…there was that time when Cat lifted up the end of her toddler bed to help me carry it…and she does like to lift my weights….uh…oh…..)

She also fries up like a lobster if she’s near sunlight….yikes!

I guess I should have paid closer attention when at age 3 she would run around the house saying, “I suck your blood! I suck your blood!”

I better warn Connor….Cat has been wearing her shades during the day with alarming frequency…I’m off to fashion a necklace out of garlic cloves…Cat will be up soon…..