The Tragic Tale of the Irish Dancer & Her Incontinent Mother

March Madness has officially descended up on our world as we are just days away from St. Patrick’s Day.  Irish Dancer Girl will be shamrockin’ all over the city of Tucson (Irish Dance style) for the next week to spread leprechaun love amongst the citizens.  While going over the performance list this morning, my mind wandered back to a time in the not so distant past where my sweet girl gave me a lovely surprise just before her very first St. Patrick’s Day March Madness performance.  Thought it would be fun to take a stroll down memory lane with ya’ll and give you some giggles.  Sit a spell while I weave a tragic tale of the six year old Irish dancer and her incontinent mother.

One fine March day in 2009, Cat and I began our school morning cutting out shapes and chatting it up like two old ladies at bingo night. I had to (ahem) “use the little ladies room” for the 400th time in 20 minutes, and in the interest of safety, (because I’m one of those annoying over-protective “old” moms) I made Cat come with me…again. She hung out in her room across the hall until I had completed “my mission.” (Sorry, I’m trying to be delicate about this!) I complete “said mission” quickly (less than 3 minutes tops) and start across the hall to get Cat and resume our schoolwork. Her back is to me and she quickly calls out, “Don’t look in here, Mama! I have a surprise for you!” I sing out, “Yay, I love your surprises!” “Close your eyes!” she calls out excitedly!

After a few minutes, Cat meets me in the hall with her surprise. And yeah, to call it a surprise would be a mild understatement. My daughter is sporting some awesome Mia Farrow Frankenbangs! Did you catch that? Frankenbangs…Mia Farrow style…. This is Mia Farrow…
This is me upon seeing her “surprise.”

Typically, her surprises involve artistic drawings of me, maybe a tea party, or her wearing some shiny lipgloss, hooker style…not freshly cut Frankenbangs! 

Once I recovered from my shock and horror, (and made sure she still had her eyeballs,) I smiled and said “Wow! Look at you!” I clapped my hands (so I wouldn’t strangle myself) and grinned (while trying not to yank out my own hair)
, “How in the world did you manage that?” She holds up the blunt tip scissors we had been using earlier…the scissors that should still be in the classroom…the reason I made Cat come with me in the first place.

“I snuck the scissors with me!” She is so stinkin’ proud of herself. “I know you’re really busy and I wanted to help you so I cut my bangs!” Oh…now I remember…I had casually mentioned during breakfast that I needed to trim her bangs that afternoon so they would be out of her eyes for her dance performances the following day and this weekend.

Oh, did I forget to mention that my daughter has 4 IRISH DANCE PERFORMANCES OVER THE NEXT 6 DAYS ALONE!!!!! (sorry for the hysteria….) How the heck am I going to fix this little “franken-bump” in the road!!!!???

She must have watched me fast track it to the crazy train because her eyes started to fill with tears and her chin began quivering. “I’m sorry, Mama. I just wanted to surprise you.” Aw heck! How can I be upset with that? Her intention was clearly to “help a sister out.” She knew I was overwhelmed and wanted to ease my load. It was actually an act of kindness. I scooped her up and gave her a huge hug. “I love your bangs!” I smothered her with smoochies. ( I also did the whole “no scissors on your own hair, or anyone else’s hair either” lecture.)

What to do?  I didn’t have any “Grow” potion like Alice in Wonderland, and Edward Scissorhands wasn’t in the neighborhood for a fast fix. I spent the rest of my day (and I mean, the ENTIRE day) searching the city of Tucson for black and white headbands to fit her small head, and tiny bobby pins so Irish dancer girl could rock a new look at her performances.  Let me show what we were dealing with here…

BEFORE “do it yourself” bangs makeover….

AFTER…sporting her new look…

PERFORMANCE LOOK after “the makeover”

Yep, it’s a bit “pageant” hair in it’s look and her forehead looks like a watermelon, but she’s still adorable!  Oh, those were the days!  My wee dancer girl now looks like this…

Fortunately, she has steered clear of the scissors and lets a professional manage her hairstyle these days.  Now, I used to be one of those mom’s that would read something like this and think, “What the heck is wrong with that person! That would never happen in my house! Hmpf!”  Well, let me tell you, people, it DID happen and I’ve been forever humbled by the experience! I am no longer a Judgmental Janie! No way, no how!

I have decided to honor this occasion with an award…that I created myself…because I was a complete idiot  (Hugh, I know you are truly appreciating this…)

The Hall of Shame Parenting Award goes to……..Dawn, for her shameful parenting skills, her inability to keep track of a pair of blunt tip scissors, and for her lack of bladder control for more than 5 minutes at a time. You are the winner, Dawn! Congratulations on your award!

I am even going to create another award here! The Snip-Snip, Oopsy! Clip Award!  This is awarded for haircuts gone bad, self inflicted bang trauma, etc.  I graciously accept this one too. 

The above hack job was committed on this doll by yours truly when I was young and innocent. Sorry, Mom! At least I didn’t cut my sister’s hair!

Now…I need some moral support here. It would really give me a lift if you can share a really good hair hacking story with me. Or even a really embarrassing parenting moment! That would work too! I’ll take anything…I’m desperate to see I’m not the only fool in town!

Fingers crossed that March Madness this year will be filled with Irish fun and no horrible hair trauma.  (at least until it’s time to put on the curly wig…don’t even get me started…that’s a horror story in itself…Irish dance moms will totally feel the pain of that one…)  Hope you can get out to enjoy the Irish fun in your neighborhood!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!


37 thoughts on “The Tragic Tale of the Irish Dancer & Her Incontinent Mother

  1. I must say I am smiling ear to ear after reading this post. Not because I am glad she cut her bangs but glad that I know now that I am not the only parent to have something like this happen to.And how can you blame her for trying to help you……without her knowing….lolAnyway, do not let it keep you down, hair grows back and stories grow sweeter.Have a great day!


  2. How the heck did she even cut anything with blunt tip scissors? Wow, that girl really wanted to cut her bangs. STEP BACK from the guilt and shame…right now. Moms aren’t perfect and it’s not like you let her take a knife to her room…you are a GREAT mom!On to the bangs. I was going to suggest a headband or hair clips. She will be adorable:)


  3. What a sweet story. I must tell you how I admire your ability to tell her that you ‘loved her bangs’ I would have been having my own little mommy tantrum.Oh and I once cut all the pretty flowers out of my mother’s new bedspread for her.


  4. sorry, i can’t help you… i’m perfect.listen, i have too many hair stories, and even more bad parenting stories to even attempt to tell. i bet she looks adorable.


  5. BWAHAHA! I’m sorry. Couldn’t help myself. I think this happens to all of us at one time or another. Emily has a high forehead. When she was 6, she cut the whole front of her hair off down to the scalp. “Can I cut some paper dolls, Mama?” “Sure!” (My creative angel.)It’s amazing what safety scissors can do in the hands of a little.Took her hair FOREVER to grow out. I just became an expert at the comb over. Snort.


  6. I bet, really bet, that she is still the cutest darn thing ever. And everyone knows that kids do this. You’ll look back on the photos from the next few days and smile and smile. Trust me:)


  7. I’m dying. What a precious little girl!!! Just trying to help out her momma!!! No worries sweets… I cut my cousins hair when we were kids. She went from lower back length hair to a pixie cut in a matter of… oh say… 2 minutes. It was great. On my defense… she asked me to trim her hair. We were young… trim meant cut. Scissors were the “forbidden” which made it even better. Her mom cried. Oops! 🙂


  8. You are not a horrible mother! We have all had these moments. I don’t have any to share..not off the top of my head, but it has happened. Wait..I take that back, my oldest fell out of a shopping cart at Toys R Us once. I was mortified. (I will post about it someday).I will admit I hacked my own bangs once. I was probably about Cats age. I was so proud of myself..and even told every one what I had done. I wasn’t embarrassed until a friends mother did one of those “Oh Sweetie, did your mom let you play with the scissors”..which was days later.Count yourself among the good moms that even gives a rats patootie that it happened. And then let go of that guilt baby!{hugs}


  9. OMG…adorable blog! I bet she was beyond proud too. More that she helped you out. I’m really proud of you for acknowledging that fact rather than scolding her for sneaking out scissors and cutting her hair. For this fact, you are a wonderful mom. Sit back and enjoy these moments because they will be stories you tell her future boyfriends! (Make sure you ALWAYS take pictures too!)P.S. Cat has a total leg up on me. At 22 I got a bug up my bum and decided to “cut” my own bangs before work one day. Mind you I hadn’t had bangs since I was, oh, about 6yrs old. I had frankenbangs and a panic attack at 6 o’clock in the morning because I HAD to go into work (no headband) and admit that I was retarded. That was a fun couple of months until they grew out. So, see? Kids NEVER listen, no matter how old they are 🙂


  10. I had to let out a giggle as I read this post–why does this remind me of an “incident” that occurred when I was in first grade? I was awarded with a fresh bowl cut to go along with my new self-inflicted do. BTW–post the pic when she’s not looking–we want to see!


  11. I posted about this on my blog a while ago, but I once had a bad highlight job, and I decided to cut my hair off at the roots a bit, so help thin it out, not thinking about how it would grow back.And when I say I one had, this happened like 2 months ago. I am an idiot.


  12. I have one word for you….WIG…(kidding…)I used to cut my barbies hair when I was little…I used to think it would grow back…My 18 year old girl…when she was about 3 or 4 did the same thing…it was pretty bad…and it looked horrible for a long time. There was no fix for that..LOL!My mom used to give me bowl cuts on purpose…what is with that?I was 13!Love the way you handled are a good mommy! 🙂


  13. Oh my goodness! I can’t believe that this happened. Why, just yesterday I was on your blog, happy to read about the Irish dancing. Today, we are giving out awards for bad haircuts? Oh, the agony!You know that I fully endorse any post coming from Cat. I’ll be waiting for her to upload her photos. 🙂-Francesca


  14. I bet she looks completely adorable…she can’t help look cute:) She is such a sweet girl I just want to scoop her up in a big hug. Mom, I could share stories here that would steal your award away. I just said I got Mother of the year award the other night! I won’t blog on your blog today though! Sorry I have been lacking this week. I can’t believe it is Thursday already. Thanks for your good vibes over hubbies job. He is there now, I am waiting to see what he says later on tonight. There you go, I did blog on your blog. Love you!!


  15. On vacation, in a hotel room, I forgot to be careful with hot curling irons. Yes, there were two of them. My 18-month-old son grabbed one in each hand, didn’t know to let go, and just screamed for the 3 seconds it took me to reach him. He suffered severe 2nd degree burns, had to be rushed to the ER, then I had to immediately fly home with him for further care, leaving my family behind to go to Disneyland. It’s been 12 years, and I’m STILL traumatized by the horrible-ness of it. 😦Her bangs will grow quickly! 🙂


  16. Now, I’d be giving the lass bonnie for bein’ smart enough to sneak the scissors past mom (who WAS clever enough to retain kitty, YES?!!And credit for trying to help a sista out, as you so deftly say…Not to say I wouldn’t be panicking, but to reiterate, I’d be giving the lass bonnie for…


  17. -*+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++add those to her forhead and they’ll make it look like her bangs are longer. :). Hugs to you mama for acting the way you did. I too wanted to please my mommy by being a beautician like she is and gave myself a bang trim.Wet those bangs back and to the side so they blend in with the rest add that head band and let her wear it like that for a few weeks it will sure to grow out quickly and before you know. Take a pic and add it to that childhood memories book you keep for her. Sure she’ll laugh on it one day as she shows it to hear daughter when she cuts her hair.


  18. This was so so so funny! You can write about anything and make me laugh. Have I told you how much I love your blog lately!!!!????I was a doll hair cutter too. I had short hair as a kid so I was always altering my doll’s hair to “look like me.” Inexplicably, my mother had given me an antique doll that she had inherited from her grandmother and was worth quite a bit of money — like $400 or something. Well, you can see where this is going, right? Yes … I hacked off the hair and ruined the doll. My mother was P-I-S-S-E-D. But what the hell…why give a $400 antique doll to a young kid with a penchant for doll haircuts!Unlike your daughter’s hair, it never did grow back. I’m sure she’ll rock the performances … everyone looks at their feet anyway!


  19. Oh my God. You poor thing. That reminds me of when I was little and I shoved a yogart raisen up my nose when my mom was putting her make up on so far we had to take me to the doctor and flush it out.


  20. Oh, man. Too cute. I’m glad it was only the bangs! Sounds like you handled it beautifully. I love the badges you made, but I can’t claim them. I don’t have a hair story, unless you count the time i waxed half of an eyebrow off and used a crayola marker to draw it back in (hey, I was desperate. And for the record, brown crayola marker comes out ORANGE on human skin.)


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